Tomorrow, I’m visiting my mom to help her with organizing some family photos into a large collage for the hallway in her house. We have an appointment with a lady who does this type of thing professionally, so it actually should be kind of fun.
I seem to have crossed a threshold with my mother. I don’t have as much anxiety about visiting her as I've always had previously. I still feel an aversion to talking or being with her, but I think that’s just old tapes going around in my head. Since being in therapy I feel much more in control of how I react to her. She also seems to be sensing something is different…the balance of power seems to have shifted, so to speak. She’s being much nicer to me lately and she even apologized for a few thoughtless things she said recently. It may be because I’m keeping her at arm’s length on the advice of Dr. D. I'm not abandoning her or anything cruel like that...but I’ve just set a few boundaries in my mind, and that seems to have improved our relationship.
Tomorrow will be an interesting experiment to see how compulsive I feel after being with her all day. I didn’t get a chance to see Dr D this week, but I’m hoping with all the therapy I’ve done so far, the impulse to binge will be much reduced compared to how bad it has been in the past. I’ll let you know how it goes.
The best way I found to cope with my mother when she was alive, were projects like these. The bickering was a lot less and we actually enjoyed our time together.
ReplyDeleteThe photo collage sounds great.
PS: Most jealous about the Blackberry.
I almost wanted to skim this as I so pray (already and she's 3 :)) that I never cause my daughter the FRAZZZZZZLE I feel prior to my own mom visiting as well.
ReplyDeleteMizFit
I'll be thinking good thoughts for you today.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a really fun project! I hope things go well with your visit and that a new happy memory is made to replace an old painful one.
ReplyDeleteStay positive....it's an energy that you emit to others. So it's not surprising your mother is acting better as well.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to freak your mother out....lol Kill 'em with kindness.......as my mother used to say! ( I hope that wasn't inappropriate )
Hope the day with your Mom goes well. Sending you lots of positive vibes.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteYou have gained control of the situation which is helpful in taming the apprehension you feel in your mother's presence.
Have fun with the pictures. I just hope the visual reminders of that time and your struggles don't sabotage your mental strength!
Big hugs!!
I really hope your visit goes well! We'll all be sending good thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteGood luck sweetie.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I'm a day behind. Hope your visit went well. I'm proud of your progress.
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