A New Workout Experience

I went to Curves today for my first visit/workout. It took about an hour (rather than the normal 30 minutes) because of visiting with the trainer and going through the circuit with instruction. I’ll go in tomorrow for my first real workout.

It’s kind of an interesting concept. I’m reserving judgment as to how well it works in the long run, but it definitely is something different and new. I can see the advantage for me for those days I am so stressed or pressed for time, because those are the days I blow off exercise. I tend to have an “all or nothing” mentality…if I don’t have time to work out for a full hour, then there’s no point in starting…so I do nothing. This is a different approach. If this at least gets me to do something on those days, that will be great.

And you know what the best part is? They don’t have any mirrors! Hah!

Today was a good day overall. Food has been good this week, and with the new workout opportunity, I think I should be able to stay on track.

I’m a bit annoyed with the television schedule these days. Can't they space all these decent programs out a bit...instead of putting everything on at the same time? Tonight it's overlapping American Idol, Biggest Loser, and Dancing with the Stars. We can only DVR one at a time while we watch another. Hubby (who hates BLBE) claims he’s got it worked out so we can watch Idol, record Dancing, and also record the last half hour of BLBE (the weigh-in is really all I care about). We’ll see if he succeeds. I hope so, otherwise there will be hell to pay (ha ha).

Have a good night…see you tomorrow!

Look out...CURVES Ahead!

I signed up for Curves today.

It was RAINY and COLD and WINDY today so I went downstairs at lunch to the workout room. It was packed and I got a little ticked off. So I headed back upstairs and called Curves right then, and made an appointment for after work to check it out.

The lady that I met with was SO nice. They were having a food drive for Northwest Harvest, so they were waiving the sign up fee if you brought in a grocery bag of food. The monthly fee is only $39, it’s very conveniently located for me, and a work out takes just 30 minutes…so why not? As I said, it will be an alternative place to go, a change of pace, something to do when I don’t have a lot of time.

Although I wouldn’t let her weigh me, I did let her take my measurements. As she was doing that, she remarked in a kind of surprised voice…“My, you’re certainly solid…We don’t see a lot of that here,” which made me chuckle a bit.

Anyway, we’ll see how it goes. Tomorrow will be my first actual workout. It looked like fun and I’m actually kind of excited.

I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. See you tomorrow!

Happiness is a Choice

"You don't drown by falling in the water...
You drown by staying there."
Author unknown

I just found this quote and it struck me as words to live by. Although I'm looking at my past, I don't need to wallow in self-pity and anger. I don't need to wait until I have all my "issues" completely addressed before I can be happy. I can be happy now.

This weekend has been rather nondescript as far as "healthy living" goes. I’m actually excited to go back to work with a normal schedule (no special activities going on) at least for the next few weeks. It is my intention to focus on eating right and having good workouts this week.

The weather was beautiful today, but it rained Saturday and it’s supposed to rain again tomorrow. I’m actually thinking about joining Curves. There’s one not too far from where I work. I just need to have some interesting options when the weather is bad and walking outside is not very appealing. There is the treadmill and weight room at work, but it’s often so crowded and specific pieces of equipment are sometimes not available. Does anyone have any experience with Curves, and if so, would you recommend it?

We are planning on attending hubby’s 45th high school reunion in San Francisco at the end of May. So, I’m thinking of that as a goal to help me get on the stick. Basically, it’s two months away. Since I’m not weighing myself anymore, I don’t have any specific weight loss goal in mind. It’s really just a matter of staying on a healthy program and whatever I lose…I lose. Whatever that amount is, I know I will feel better about myself if I’ve been eating healthy and working out regularly, and no doubt I will lose weight (I just won't know how much).

That’s about it for today…I want to again thank all my blogging buddies who have shown so much support for me during my emotional posts over the last few days. I love you all!

Previous Post Revisited

I just re-read my post from yesterday and was a little appalled at the language I used. It’s not my normal style to be so profane. I started to get concerned that it might offend someone, and actually thought about deleting it or revising it. (I even noticed that I lost one follower over night, possibly due to that post.) But you know what? It’s how I was feeling at the time. I have spent my whole life trying not to offend anyone. I was never allowed to be angry or express strong emotions growing up. I wasn’t even allowed to have any type of expression on my face while I was being screamed at, because that would make the punishment worse.

I’m an adult now, and this is MY blog. I've found blogging to be a new type of therapy for me and it’s a safe place where I can write anything I want, vent anything. Most posts will be positive, but I can't get better if I'm not truthful with myself. If I write something that offends someone, so be it. I need to start understanding my own emotions and expressing them. I need to stop pretending that if I look good on the outside, then the inside must also be okay...because it’s not necessarily so. There’s a reason that food is so emotionally charged for me. There’s a reason I have an adversarial relationship with food, as I have described in my profile when I started blogging last year. I need to get to the bottom of that reason and I can’t do that by tiptoeing around the truth.

So, my apologies if my coarse language offended anyone. That type of language is not necessarily going to be a regular feature of this blog, but I can’t promise anything. So I will understand if you decide to not follow anymore. But I need to do this for ME.

Thanks for listening.

Warning...Extreme Anger & Profanity in this Post

I just realized…I’m a perfectionist. Actually, I've known this for a long time, but in the past few days I’ve come to understand a bit better what exactly “perfectionism” means in my case...

It started with that stupid fucking cookie incident. I spent 3 days beating myself up over eating a fucking cookie. Everybody eats cookies or they wouldn’t make them, right? Cookies are part of normal life. Normal people eat cookies. Cookies are bad if you eat a dozen, but aren't one or two okay? But I set myself up that I’m not supposed to EVER eat cookies. Or rather...my mother set me up. I go insane before, during, and after I eat cookies (or cake or chips or ice cream or anything that is "bad"). My brain gets tired thinking about it. Why can't I have one cookie (and enjoy it)? Because my mother said so. And why wasn’t I supposed to eat cookies?

Because I was “FAT”! Oh yeah, I was SOOOO FAT!...

These pictures are of me growing up. Do I look look fat to you? Look at those stick legs. I sure don't look fat to me. You know what? ...I wasn't fat then and I'm not "fat" now. The fact is, I have NEVER been fat. Right now I'm 15 lbs over my "ideal" weight which is 162 lbs. The most I've EVER been "overweight" in my whole fucking life is about 25 lbs.

I'm 56 years old and in excellent health. I can power walk 10 miles without getting tired. I'm very muscular from lifting weights and I can do 100 sit ups with no problem. My blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar are excellent. I'm smart and funny and accomplished and talented and kind hearted. Many people even think I'm pretty. Eating one cookie is not going to change any of that, not one bit.

But I'm totally screwed up in my mind. And it makes me just fucking sad and mad and pissed and it's not fair what goes on in my head every fucking minute of every fucking day. Because the voice never shuts up: YOU FAT PIG, FAT FAT FAT, GOD DON'T EAT YOU'LL GET FAT, YOU ARE ALREADY SO FAT, WHY DON'T YOU STOP EATING, FATTY, WHY ARE YOU EATING THAT, YOU'RE TOO FAT, DON'T THINK ABOUT EATING THAT, IF YOU EAT THAT YOU'LL BE SORRY BECAUSE YOU'LL GET EVEN FATTER, HEY FAT GIRL, LOOK AT THAT FAT STOMACH, WHY ARE YOU SO FAT, HEY BIG BUTT WHAT ARE YOU EATING, IF YOU EAT THAT YOU WILL GET EVEN FATTER THAN YOU ALREADY ARE...

I want that FUCKING voice to SHUT UP. If it won't shut up, I'm just not going to listen any more. I'm damn tired of it. From now on, when I eat a cookie, it will be because I want to eat it and there is no reason I can't have it if I want it. The voice needs to shut the fuck up...It's just a cookie AND I'M GOING TO ENJOY IT.

Confession II...The Sequel

Can I please get back to normal…please?

I’m glad today was the last day of class…well, technically, tomorrow is the last day, but I can’t attend. Human Resources called me a few weeks ago (after I’d already signed up for the class) and asked me if I would be on an interview panel on March 26. The interviews are to chose a new chief of our department. So let’s see, should I…spend another 8 hours listening to a bone dry instructor drone on about hydraulic calculations for fire sprinkler systems (zzzzz)…or help decide who will be my boss for at least the next 7 years until I retire?

Hmmm.

So the added bonus is...I'll be back in my comfort zone tomorrow. It is SO difficult to be out of my routine. Normally, at my office I’m not subjected to treats like cookies and potato chips. If I'm not subjected to IT, I don't think about IT as much. And if someone does bring IT in, I can always get out and do something else.

But this week I couldn’t get away from IT, and I’m ashamed to say that I blew it. Not just the first day, but the next two days, too. In spite of my vow on Monday, I did eat a cookie on Tuesday and today, too. It pisses me off how I just couldn’t control myself. Ten minutes before I knew they would be putting out the afternoon coffee break, I told myself I wasn’t going to eat anything. Yet, 10 minutes later, I was the first one out of the classroom door at break so I could grab a cookie before they were all gone. Sick.

What's wrong with me??? I feel so weak. I should be able to be away for a few days without losing control, but apparently I can't yet. I guess I just need to keep working at it.

I'm feeling a little down right now, but I'll be better tomorrow. I would like to thank everyone who commiserated with me and encouraged me after my previous "cookie" post. It makes me feel good to know you are all out there pulling for me.

See you tomorrow!

Confession

Today was a good day…my class didn’t start until 8:30 and it was only about 30 minutes from my house. So I actually got to sleep a bit late. I got to wear jeans. The class turned out to be really easy.

They had coffee set up outside the classroom, and bagels and muffins (which I didn’t eat) and fruit (which I did). I drank water all during class. At noon, I ate my packed lunch and didn’t go to the sit-down lunch (I hadn’t realized they were providing lunch and I don’t even know what it was). I was doing great! But then… about 2 p.m. they put out cookies. Uh oh. Big fricken’ macadamia and white chocolate cookies. My absolute favorite. I was caught a bit off guard and yes, I succumbed. I ate one big cookie all by myself. It was delicious.

After a slip like that, my normal MO would be to say…ah hell, let’s just eat chips and ice cream and candy and more cookies (I could have, you know…the opportunity was there during the class and afterwards on the drive home. Binge eating in my car used to be a regular past time).

Instead, I drove home straightaway and got there about 4:45. It was raining so I jumped on the treadmill for an hour (I didn't want to...it was hard and I didn’t enjoy it but I did it), and I had a healthy dinner (chicken tacos with lo-carb tortillas). Now it’s time for bed. I feel okay…and tomorrow, I’ll be ready. Tomorrow, I swear, there will be NO COOKIES for me!

Good night!

Party time!

PUPPY PARTY, that is! After our walk yesterday, we went to the doggie play day. Here are a few pics from it. (Sorry about the darkness of two of them, I'm not a great photographer)


I love this last picture...someone was having a bad day!

The dogs are hilarious and there are usually a few puppies that are so sweet and cuddly that you just want to hold them forever. The funniest thing, though, is the non-stop activity of the dogs. They are like drunk bumblebees. When B was younger, he would run and run until he was ready to collapse. Now that he’s older, he runs and runs but keeps an eye on me and after about an hour he’s ready to leave.

This morning, we went on "the big walk" with my friend and her two dogs K & O (the ones who stayed with us a few weeks ago). It was a great way to start the day. The rest of the day was the usual…eating breakfast, watching TV, grocery shopping. Right now I’m halfway watching Celebrity Apprentice…I wonder if the men will be able to make a comeback after getting their butts whooped by the women 3 weeks in a row?

This week I’ll be attending a class on the fire code…I know, please don’t be jealous that I get to spend the week doing something SOOO exciting! Lol I’ve spent over 25 years in my field so most of the material will be review, but these classes are always interesting as you can often glean something you never knew before. Lest you think I spend all my time at classes, this is the first time in 3 years that I’ve had the time to go to any training due to workload. Now that the economy (and thus development) is slowing a bit, so has my job and now it’s at least down to a manageable pace. I feel as if I’ve not kept up to the professional level that I should because for so long we were just trying to keep our heads above water. But the economic bubble has definitely burst, so I’m trying to take a positive approach by improving some of my long-neglected skills.

The down side will be again being out of my normal work routine, but I’m going to take my lunch again this week to try to stay away from fast food. I should also be getting home a bit earlier than usual and will be able to work out then…and since it is staying light longer, I may even be able to take B for a walk each evening!

I know I said I was going to discuss my therapy, and I really want to… but you know, whenever I start to write about it, I get kind of anxious. Maybe it’s too soon for me to be too open about it. I think if I give myself a few weeks to get comfortable, I’ll be able to write about it then…

I can't believe it...in the promo for the news, they are predicting snow tomorrow. Maybe it will just be in the higher elevations. Anyway, I hope everyone is looking forward to a good week. See you later!

Saturday morning quick check in

Just a quick post to say good morning and I hope everyone is enjoying the first day of Spring (or was that yesterday? I always get confused).

Yes, indeed, Spring is here…and so are my allergies. Ah choo, ah choo, ah choo. I have been known to sneeze 10 times in a row. But I hate taking anything for it because I turn into a zombie. So I just live with it.

Right now it is beautiful outside, but they are predicting rain this afternoon. Typical Pacific Northwest. B and I are going to leave in about 15 minutes and go for a walk while the nice weather lasts. We are also going to a doggie play day this afternoon. Play days are always full of hilarity and high energy (on the part of the dogs). I'll try to get some pictures to post.

Have a great Saturday…See you later!

Thursday night ramble

I’m soooo glad…it’s Thursday night and I don’t have to work tomorrow! I’m looking forward to a stress-free, relaxing weekend. I don’t even care if it rains, which is what is predicted.

Does anyone else enjoy watching Hell’s Kitchen? I just love this show. Chef Ramsay was really on a tear tonight. I felt sorry for the young man “J” that went home early in the episode, he seemed like a really nice kid who just got a bit overwhelmed by the stress of the situation. Early on in this season, I told hubby that if I knew I was going on this show (not that I ever would…I can’t cook at all), I’d spend the month before just learning how to cook beef Wellington and risotto…If you’ve EVER watched this show, you know that these two dishes are ALWAYS in Chef R's repertoire. Just knowing how to cook these 2 dishes would get you at least halfway through the season and would keep you from getting yelled at much of the time. Another thing that’s weird…all these aspiring chefs smoke! WTF? I would think that would affect your sense of taste, so how can you be a good chef and smoke?

My food has been a bit haphazard the last few days, and I have just not been motivated to work out either. For some reason, I've been tired...I'm not even sure if it's physical or mental fatigue. At lunch, I've just been going out to my car and taking a 45 minute nap. I keep telling myself to get in gear. Again, the focus now is supposed to just be healthy body/healthy mind but I’m certainly not marching along on the “healthy body” trail so far. Not that I’m doing anything too unhealthy, just nothing very proactive. Somehow tomorrow, I need to get in a good hour of exercise and tighten up on the food.

I wanted to give a short update on my therapy. However, it’s late so I will wait until I can more fully describe the direction that Dr. D and I are taking. I think you might find it interesting. I’ll try to get to it this weekend.

In the meantime, I hope everyone is having a good evening. Good night!

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Did you wear your green today? I did…I’m a redhead with green eyes (I’m of Scots-Irish heritage…more Scots than Irish...but who can really tell the difference?), so everyone says I look good in green. But I hate the modern bright green that is typical of St. Paddy’s Day (maybe that's what's called Kelly green?) and also the limey yellow-green color that looks fluorescent. Ugh. I like the subdued grey-green of malachite. I have a couple of pieces of antique jewelry that I drag out once a year that are made from malachite.

A natural specimen of malachite

We went to a St. Paddy’s gathering tonight at a neighbor’s house. I can’t really call it a “party,” as it was so low key and everybody left by 9 p.m. Everyone else brought hors d'oeuvres, and hubby cooked a corned beef for sandwiches. I’ll probably blow up like a balloon overnight…too much salt in the corned beef, along with the 3 glasses of Mac & Jack (which I just adore). I'll just be sure to drink a lot of water tomorrow and flush it out.

This is a short post tonight because it’s late and I’m tired and B is asking to go to bed. Okay…see you tomorrow!

"Critical" thinking....

What a crappy rainy day...yesterday was the same. I really miss the warmth and sunshine of Palm Springs. Yesterday, B and I had a window of about an hour when it wasn't raining, so we dashed out to the park. Maybe we'll get lucky today too.

I'm not an extremely religious person, but hubby and I were both raised Catholic, so we do attend a Catholic church in our neighborhood. I try to attend with an attitude that I will get something positive out of it. I usually succeed, but sometimes it surprises me as to what actually strikes a chord. Last night, we sang a song during Communion, a song that I've heard a dozen times before:

Take, O take me as I am
Summon out what I shall be
Set your seal upon my heart
And live in me

For some reason, last night these words struck me. Here I am, asking God to take me as I am, yet I don't accept myself as I am. I accept everyone else for who they are (in many cases I even accept things that anyone else would consider unacceptable), but when it comes to myself, I am very critical. If I don't do everything just perfectly, I beat myself up. In fact, it almost seems as if I purposefully seek out my own imperfections just so I can beat myself up. Take me as I am. I need to adopt this as my mantra for the next time I start the critical thinking.

Last night was California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. This is one of our favorite places on Saturday night. When we go there, we always have the same thing...we each have 2 light beers; then we share the large chopped salad, light dressing; and the Sicilian pizza, which is very thin crust. I usually only have 2 pieces of the pizza, and we never order dessert. I think this is a relatively healthy dinner (as weekend "treat" dinners go). I'm probably looking at having consumed almost 1,000 calories for one meal, but considering what we had the rest of the day, it wasn't too over the top, and...damn, it was good.

I love Sunday mornings. Today, as usual, we're drinking our coffee and watching the political shows on TV together. Pretty soon, hubby will cook breakfast. Later this afternoon, we'll do our grocery shopping for the week. I feel like I'm getting the sniffles, so I'm taking Zicam and echinacea and vitamin C. I let myself get a bit over tired this week, and who knows what I've been exposed to with all the travel and being in class with about 30 people I don't know. My immune system was probably just waiting to pick up whatever floated by.

I'm looking forward to a normal work week, where I can get caught up on projects. And my boss is out of town this week...YAY! I really like her, but she's one of those folks who is constantly coming up with new ideas...as in "You know what would be a good thing for us to do?" ...which really means, "You know what would be a good thing for YOU to do?" lol :-) So it will be nice to have a few days to settle back in before I have to deal with any new "things to do."

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend. See you tomorow!

By the way, I'm experimenting with fonts for my blog (I'm looking for something easier to read), so if you see a bunch of weird text sizes or multiple posts...that's what's going on.

Change of Plans

I saw my therapist, Dr. D, late this afternoon and felt the need to write a post about it. I hope I’m not stepping over any lines of propriety by telling my personal story. I know everyone has had bad experiences in their childhood, so I hope no one thinks I’m over-dramatizing mine. Part of the reason for telling this is because there may be other people out there who are going through similar struggles and they don’t know why.

Growing up, I thought everyone’s mom acted like my mom did. She had wild mood swings and we never knew what to expect. Sometimes she wouldn’t speak to me for days over some little thing. I remember when I was about 6 years old, crying and begging her to forgive me for whatever it was I had done, just so she would start talking to me again. When I was about 8 years old, I remember her becoming absolutely enraged...I don't know what I had done...but she came at me like she was going to scratch my eyes out. She screamed that she hated me and that she wished I’d never been born. She was often very cruel to both me and my brother. When my brother was in first or second grade (which means I was probably not even in school yet), she used to come unglued while she was "helping" him with his homework. He had trouble with math, so she would stand over him while he sat at the kitchen table trying to do his homework... and she would scream how stupid he was. and at the same time she would hit him over the head with his math papers again and again…I just remember being so terrified. And when I finally went to first grade, I was so totally petrified of arithmetic that I threw up once during class. The teacher thought I had the flu, but I was just so scared.

And I remember all these things as clearly as if they happened yesterday.

The bottom line is, Dr. D thinks my mom was mentally ill (specifically Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD, which I posted about a while back). Instead of protecting me, like moms are supposed to, she was the source of fear and great anxiety. Apparently when little kids are subjected to things like this, it can cause permanent changes in the brain, and long lasting and extreme effects. The experiences can cause recurring symptoms in adults similar to that of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).

But as a child you think it’s normal. Today I asked Dr. D…”You mean, your mom never screamed at you or slapped you?” Believe it or not, it’s hard for me to imagine that! Couple all this with my mom’s drinking and her anorexia and her critical comments about my weight even though pictures prove I was really a very skinny kid...as a young person, reality was totally distorted because of my mother’s illness.

Hence my struggles as a teenager and continuing now even as an adult… I suffered from bulimia from college until I was in my mid 30s, and I did seriously contemplate suicide while in college. Off and on I've suffered from depression to the point of needing anti-depressants. I have a fear of looking at myself in the mirror. I have ongoing angst about what I weigh and an obsession with my appearance. I eat compulsively after I see my mom, and Dr. D thinks its because my mom would criticize me for whatever I ate while I was growing up. Even though my mom is a different person now (she doesn’t drink anymore and she doesn’t fly off the handle), she is often still very manipulative and can cause reactions in me as if I’m a young child.

So, the mission now is to start moving forward. Dr. D and I have discussed some strategies for both dealing with my mom and how to improve my self-image and weight issues and to help with the mirror phobia.

When I was on vacation, I noticed that my body obsessions kind of subsided. The place we stayed had no full length mirrors so all I could see was my face and upper body. And I didn't have a scale, so I couldn't weigh myself. But when we got home and I could see my stomach and butt and legs, and I had access to my scale, I started to obsess again.

Based on this, Dr. D says the first step is that I should NOT look at my body in the mirror, so I’ll be putting away my full length mirror for a while. She also says I should not weigh myself. I need to separate myself from some of these triggers, at least temporarily.

At first I kind of freaked out…what if I gain a whole bunch of weight because I’m not weighing myself??? But you know, I don’t think that will happen, because my weight has never been the “real” problem for me. I’ve never been more than 20 lbs overweight in my entire life. And as evidenced by my anxieties subsiding while I was on vacation, I actually do better when I don’t see my body or weigh myself.

So, at least temporarily, the focus of this blog will be changing. No more weigh ins, so I’ll have to withdraw from the BLBE challenge. For now, I need to focus on my emotional issues coupled with healthy eating and exercise, which I should do anyway.

So...this won’t be a “weight loss blog” anymore. If I'm on a path to a healthy mind, I think the healthy body will follow. It’s not my intention to continue to focus on the pain of my childhood, because I'm a generally a positive person and I recognize my life now is full of blessings and good fortune. In order to move ahead, I did need to acknowledge the past, which I have done with this post. But from now on, I will be doing things which will contribute to my spiritual growth and physical well being.

Thanks for all your encouragement and support over the last few months. I really hope you will all continue to visit and comment.

~ Love, Graciela

Caution! This is Friday the Rant-eenth

I am not in a good mood today. Even though I slept late this morning, I still feel so tired from last week’s non-stop activities. It took me quite a while to get myself motivated to take B for a walk this morning, but we finally got ready about 10:30.

So I was all suited up with my coat, scarf, gloves and iPod, and I went downstairs to tell hubby we were leaving. To explain a bit...hubby has his own business and works out of the downstairs of our house. He has 3 people who work for him, including one very nice lady who is his bookkeeper. Since this is a pretty casual work environment, the lady (I’ll call her C) occasionally brings a grandchild or two with her to work. The kids can watch TV in the extra bedroom downstairs, or play outside, or just hang. She has many grandkids and I don’t know them all…and I’m not a “kid” person so to be honest they don’t interest me at all, but they also don't bother me because they are downstairs and I'm upstairs mostly. Well, this week, C brought along a teenage grandson (I’ll call him J) who is at that awkward, monotone stage, which makes him even less interesting to me than usual. lol

So, as I said, I went to tell hubby that B & I were leaving for our walk. And out of the blue, he says to me…”Hey, why don’t you take J with you?” Fortunately, C & J were not in the room, but they were right in the next room and may have been close enough to hear. If looks could kill, hubby would be laid out dead now. One of the other guys who works there piped up and said… "This is her quality time to walk with B and listen to her music!” HE understood, but my own dear sweet hubby, who has lived with me for 20+ years and who knows I’m not a kid person, doesn’t? No to mention the fact that I’m SURE a shy teenage boy would be SOOOO thrilled to take an hour-long aerobic walk with a middle-aged lady that he doesn’t know.

So then hubby apparently felt compelled to make a smart aleck remark…”Oh that's right, she can’t talk while she walks…she has to listen to her iPod…it’s permanently implanted in her head.” At that point, I just turned and walked out.

Anyway, B & I had our walk and now I’m ranting. Hubby is normally pretty sensitive, but occasionally he loses his mind. Now, in trying to analyze what he said, I think the flippancy of that remark was because he realized he had talked out of turn and was kind of embarrassed. But… I am still so mad right now!

So…to all you single ladies out there who are looking for a partner…just remember, it’s not all sweetness and light, even in a long-term mostly-happy relationship. This is just a blip on the radar, but today I’m just not in the mood for blips.

Update: Hubby came upstairs and rather sheepishly asked if I wanted some lunch. I’ve learned after 20 years that’s his way of saying he’s sorry...he won’t actually say it, but he’ll be super nice to me the rest of the day. So for lunch he made a delicious pasta salad…. okay okay …Apology accepted!

I just want to get back to "Normal"

Sorry I haven’t posted since I got back from vacation late Saturday. Until today, I’ve been uninspired to write anything, and also very busy. Today is a bit of a rambling post, but I wanted to get caught up with everything that’s happened since we got home from PS.

We arrived at Sea-Tac on Saturday evening in the middle of a snow storm…what the heck was that all about??? It's March!?! isn't it?... and to go from 85 degrees to 25 degrees is not fun.

On Sunday, we had lots to do, grocery shopping, etc...(I had intended to weigh myself on that morning for BLBE, but I chickened out). My main focus was to pick up B first thing that morning...I was excited to see him, but I don’t think initially he knew who I was. When I picked him up to hug him, he kept looking at my friend who had taken care of him as if to say “Is it okay that this lady's holding me???” Then something clicked and he realized “It’s my MOM!!!” Then he kept jumping up and up on me, so excited. So the rest of Sunday was going to Costco, TJ's, and Safeway...getting ready to go back to work Monday. Food wasn’t “bad” but not right on point. It's so hard to get back in the swing...

Monday was a day from hell at work. I had a meeting first thing in the morning, and I had to go in early to make sure I was prepared. So, rather than go in about 7:30 as usual, I had to get into the office about 6:30 a.m., which meant I had to get up at a little after 5 a.m. With Daylight Savings Time, that meant I was really getting up at 4 a.m. Ewww. I’m a morning person, but not that early! Then the day was non-stop, catch-up, forget-to-eat lunch type of day. So I guess food was okay, cuz I just plain forgot to eat.

Tuesday through Thursday of this week, I’m at a training class on being a “Public Information Officer,” also known as a PIO. It's not my normal job, but occasionally I have to fill in if our department's regular PIO is unavailable. (Just to explain, a PIO works with the media in case of a large event like an earthquake, weather emergency, or a major fire). The class is held about 1-1/2 hours away from my home so I’ve been getting up at 5 a.m. to be on the road in time for the class to start at 8 a.m. I haven’t been getting as much sleep as usual and all that driving makes me extra tired… and I SO want to eat junk when I’m tired or not on my normal schedule. But I've brought my own lunch both days, so I haven't been subjected to eating at fast food restaurants like most of the other participants. (I've overheard people talking about eating at Dairy Queen, Taco Bell, & Burger King...I LOVE all those places, especially DQ, so I’m rather proud of myself for planning ahead and not succumbing to the temptation of fast food.)

At class today, we practiced giving on-camera interviews to the news media. This is pretty stressful but at least I’ve been on television a couple of times previously, so I’m not quite as nervous as some of the other folks who have never done it before. To be honest, the worst part is the critique of everyone’s individual performance in front of the other participants. I did pretty well and got good responses, but I really hate to see myself on camera because I think I look old and fat.

I’m glad the last day of class is tomorrow and I have Friday off…it’s supposed to be nice, so B & I will be taking a really good walk.

So that’s it for today…I hope everyone is doing well. I've missed you all! I’m glad to be back and am looking forward to getting back to normal after tomorrow's class. I’ll try to visit everyone’s blogs over the next few days to say hi!

I LOVE PALM SPRINGS!

The weather was great all week, sunny and mid-80s, and everyone I’ve encountered this week has been very friendly and helpful. The resort has been quite empty, probably due to the economy, so it’s been very quiet here. We did have a bit of excitement when someone left something on the stove in one of the units the other day and caused a small fire; fortunately no one was hurt.

I’ve slept late (for me) every day, and read a few books. We’ve spent a lot of time at the pool, and I’ve gotten pretty tan. Although I haven’t taken any walks as planned because my foot is still bothering me, I’ve worked out several times in the pool. (I put my iPod in my hat and paddle away furiously for 30 minutes to aerobic music.) One day we went to Desert Hot Springs, to the spa, and I had a reflexology treatment on my feet and a pedicure.

Of course we ate out a lot; however, to be honest, I don’t think I’ve overeaten much. The jeans I brought, which were fairly snug last Saturday were a bit loose yesterday…but who knows, they may have just stretched out. I definitely drank more (a lot more!) than I usually do. I will be very interested to see what my weight is. I’m going to weigh in on Sunday and send that to BLBE rather than skip a week.

I’m feeling a bit guilty about not posting all this week but I think I just wanted to be on vacation from everything…work, home, and even blogging. It was even kind of nice to not have to take care of Buster, but I am starting to miss him a lot.

So, this is our last full day here and it looks to be another beautiful sunny day. Meanwhile back at home it has been cold and rainy…they are even predicting snow showers for Sunday. I just finally checked work e-mail and it’s full of crap I have to do right away on Monday. BLEH.

I don’t think I’ll have a chance to post again before we leave, so I will just say bye for now, and see you back in Seattle on Sunday.