I just re-read my post from yesterday and was a little appalled at the language I used. It’s not my normal style to be so profane. I started to get concerned that it might offend someone, and actually thought about deleting it or revising it. (I even noticed that I lost one follower over night, possibly due to that post.) But you know what? It’s how I was feeling at the time. I have spent my whole life trying not to offend anyone. I was never allowed to be angry or express strong emotions growing up. I wasn’t even allowed to have any type of expression on my face while I was being screamed at, because that would make the punishment worse.
I’m an adult now, and this is MY blog. I've found blogging to be a new type of therapy for me and it’s a safe place where I can write anything I want, vent anything. Most posts will be positive, but I can't get better if I'm not truthful with myself. If I write something that offends someone, so be it. I need to start understanding my own emotions and expressing them. I need to stop pretending that if I look good on the outside, then the inside must also be okay...because it’s not necessarily so. There’s a reason that food is so emotionally charged for me. There’s a reason I have an adversarial relationship with food, as I have described in my profile when I started blogging last year. I need to get to the bottom of that reason and I can’t do that by tiptoeing around the truth.
So, my apologies if my coarse language offended anyone. That type of language is not necessarily going to be a regular feature of this blog, but I can’t promise anything. So I will understand if you decide to not follow anymore. But I need to do this for ME.
Thanks for listening.
We all make choices every day. We can't control anyone else's reaction; we can only remain true to ourselves. ;) I always write for myself first, the rest can come along if they want to.
ReplyDeleteI loved your post from yesterday! It was raw and truthful. I let the f bombs fly at times IRL and have done so a few times on my blog. I don't care if it offends, it's my feelings and thoughts at the time and there's nothing wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteI was moved by your post yesterday. I saw your pain through the language and that's what I felt from it, your pain. My past runs the same as yours. I have a lot of anger about the way my emotions were controlled. To this day, I still get flack when my voice level goes up when expressing anger, and I'm 52 effin yrs old!
ReplyDeleteI'm here for the long haul. :)
I am glad you didn't delete it! You have to stay true to yourself- you are absolutely right- and have you read my posts?? I can drop four dozen FUCKS in a post! It hasn't scared anyone off yet. I know that sometimes I swear more because of my levels of agitation, and sometimes less. It just depends on how I am feeling. Remember: IT IS JUST A WORD! If you were writing about punching your dog- THAT might be offensive. You are going through a lot of growth right now, and it hurts sometimes!
ReplyDeleteYour right....your are an adult, and this is your blog. I was not offended, and like everyone has said, it was an honest post. Way to go.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering what it says about ME that I didn't notice any bad language? HAHA
ReplyDeleteI only write for me. It's the one place in my life that doesn't require any filter.
Thanks for the nice words you left me on my blog. I feel the same about you, my friend.
ReplyDelete