Comparison

I've decided to give in to my weight obsession briefly...

For all my worrying about my weight, and what I look like, and what people think of me, the fact is...I am totally clueless about my size. At 5'9" and 165 lbs, I tend to over-estimate because I no longer weigh 135 lbs (which is what I weighed in high school).

And since I entered menopause about 3 years ago, my stomach started getting a bit flabbier, and I'm very self conscious about it. I'm always very critical of what I look like, and this has been just one more thing to criticize.

Then I saw these photos of a famous singer in concert. (I've never been a big fan, but I do like some of her music, especially for working out.) This celebrity has gone through a lot in the last few years, and although she doesn't have a so-called "perfect" body anymore, I thought she looked pretty good. Then I read the accompanying article and the comments by the public. Although there were a few snarky comments, the general consensus is that she looks FINE (it's the clothing that's awful). As exhibited by the following comments:

• What belly???? Excuse me but her body is NORMAL for a person her age! She does look good.
• I think her body is really good, just that the clothes are very bad.
• Why are celebs not allowed to age? She looks fine.
• She does look good. she looks like a healthy woman.
• She isn’t fat by any means…although yes she is a bit bigger than her younger days.
• Her body looks really good, for anyone.
• Girl has a great figure. She is a woman who has to work at that great figure. She eats crap like most people do on occasion and her waistline pays for it. Regardless, she still looks very good in the awful costumes she dons when on stage. I have seen some pretty terrible things at the beach in bikinis in the summer and I would be grateful if there were more women who had bods like hers there!
• Ya her costumes are horrible but she looks awesome -
• She maybe not as thin as before but she doesn’t even come close to being fat.
• I think she looks like she is a healthy weight,
• And to me she looks a perfectly healthy weight. It’s the clothes that look like hell, not her.
• She has a wonderful figure but not a slender teenage figure. good for her being ok showing off her normal figure. the outfit choice could have been better if she wanted to be showy.. but she is NOT FAT. glad theres pics of her like this to show girls shes not perfect, and drive down the eating disorder rates.
• Frankly, I’d LOVE to have a body like hers.
• She looks fine physically for a 30 year old woman.
• Fat? Stop being bitchy. She looks great!
• She’s not fat…I mean COME ON.

Hub saw the photos too. Then to my surprise, he said, "You know, your body is not much different from hers." I was a bit taken aback. You've got to be kidding...No way!

But it did get me to thinking...

These photos of me were taken by Hub when we first started 4HB in January. I've lost about 5 lbs since then and I've been working out a lot, so my stomach is actually a bit more toned than in these photos. And I'm almost 59. So this celebrity is almost 30 years younger than I am.

Don't worry, folks...I still won't be wearing a two-piece in public.

And I'm not posting these photos to get compliments or criticism.

It's merely a form of therapy...a reality check, if you will.

If this celebrity can proudly exhibit her body, I can certainly be more accepting of mine.

Shallow?

When I started posting again, it was my intention to not make this blog about my weight anymore.

It's amazing how hard that is to do. I think that's why I've been so sporadic about posting. My weight has always been my obsession, so now that I'm trying to not obsess about it, I don't have much to say.

Does that make me a shallow person?

Listening to my Heart, Part 2

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I last posted. For all my good intentions to post regularly, I have been lazy.

Do you remember the post from earlier this year when I talked about my heart beating like crazy? Well, it happened again at work a few weeks ago. I was having a really crappy day, and had just gotten off the phone with a difficult contractor. My heart started jumping all over the place. I kept waiting for it to quit, but after about 45 minutes, I told my boss that I was feeling weird and I had heart palpitations. She took my BP and pulse; my BP was 190 over 106 (my normal BP is 120 over 70), and my pulse was around 160 and irregular. So, of course she called the aid car.

When they arrived, they took my BP again, which was still really high. Everyone kept asking me if I was on BP medication...I kept explaining that my normal BP is really low. Then the guys carted me off to the ER, taking EKG’s all the way. Since I work with these guys, I was embarrassed but also thankful that I was among friends. I had never been in an aid car as a passenger before, so it was an interesting experience.

By the time we got to the ER, my heart had calmed down. After spending several hours in the ER and being subjected to a battery of tests, I was feeling fine. Everyone there was so nice. (The fact that the ER doctor was really cute was an extra bonus.) He told me the EKG showed Atrial Fibrillation (AFib), which he said, “may or may not be a life threatening condition." Well, gee, that's really helpful, Doc. Snort.

Because of my family history of heart disease and the risk of stroke associated with AFib, he told me to see a cardiologist as soon as I could. So I got an appointment the next day. They did a whole work up, had me wear a heart monitor for 24 hours, and also did a stress echocardiogram. I did so well on the stress echo that the doctor supervising the procedure told me I had the heart function of a 30 year old. (Yay me! Apparently all that compulsive exercise has paid off.)

So what’s the diagnosis? “Paroxysmal, or lone, atrial fibrillation without heart disease.” Aka LAF. Basically an electrical problem…"Atrial fibrillation is an arrhythmia, characterized by grossly disorganized atrial electrical activity, which is irregular in respect to both rate and rhythm." It can happen when we are older because the heart develops additional electrical circuits, which misfire. Those of us who have this condition even have our own name…we are called Afibbers!

From the Afibbers.org website:
Most cases of atrial fibrillation are caused by heart disease or an abnormality of the heart. However, between 12 and 30 per cent of all cases do not involve an underlying heart problem. These cases are classified as lone atrial fibrillation (LAF) or "paroxysmal atrial fibrillation." It is generally accepted that lone atrial fibrillation (LAF) is characterized by the absence of heart abnormalities or heart disease. This means that LAF is not life-threatening and is far less likely to precipitate a stroke than is atrial fibrillation involving heart problems.

"LAF is not life-threatening and less likely to precipitate a stroke"...Well, that's a relief!

So in my case, it's mostly an annoying and distracting condition. The cardiologist gave me the option of going on medication or trying to manage it by lifestyle change. I chose lifestyle change. Since it can be caused by a variety of things, I had to figure out what lifestyle change meant to me:

A full 50% of all respondents listed stress as a trigger. Physical overexertion was next at 24% closely followed by alcohol (including wine) and lack of sleep at 22% each. The digestive period following a heavy meal was a trigger for 18%, caffeine was mentioned by 16%...Other triggers mentioned were aged cheese, sugar, food additives...It is clear that the triggers for LAF are many and varied and highly specific to each individual except for excessive emotional and physical stress which are pretty well universal.

I left out a lot of the trigger list because it literally went on and on. But one interesting item I found in my research about things I can do to avoid an episode:

The most important dietary changes were elimination of wheat, gluten and dairy products, and a switch to the Paleo diet.

Our 4HB Diet is very similar to the Paleo Diet. It's basically a low-carb diet, but without much dairy; and obviously low carb means no wheat or gluten. In retrospect, it's interesting that I recognized even before I knew what "it" was is that "it" seemed to be triggered on our 4HB cheat day, after eating lots of carbs and drinking more alcohol than usual. So my initial thought of cutting back on the amount of sugar I consumed on cheat day was instinctively correct.

So now I’m taking one aspirin a day (to deal with the blood clot risk), trying to reduce my stress, drinking only one coffee a day, trying not to overdo carbs and alcohol on cheat day, taking coEnzyme Q10, fish oil, magnesium and potassium, getting enough sleep, etc. I’m still getting episodes, but they have been less frequent and much milder. The fact that I know what the problem is and that the condition is not life-threatening has lessened the anxiety and probably therefore the severity too.

Life is getting back to normal after that experience and Hub's surgery. I really like normal. I'm looking forward to the weekend, spending time with Hub and B, and taking it easy.

Take care, everyone. I'll be in touch!