No More Weigh-Ins...Ever?

Some of you may remember in mid-March, my therapist told me to stop weighing myself due to my BDD. I guess being somewhat compulsive is not always a bad thing because I've followed this advice to a T.

This morning, as I was reading through a few days’ worth of blogs, it struck me how everyone is so focused on their weight. "Today I'm up a lb, drat!" or "I'm down a lb today, hooray!" Honestly, I’m not criticizing, because people need to do their own thing in the weight/health arena. As a matter of fact, my hubby weighs himself every day. He says he needs to weigh himself for the reality check. According to him, it’s just information. It doesn’t mean anything other than “this is what I weigh today.” He’s a compulsive overeater, so he says weighing every day helps keep him on the straight and narrow as far as his eating goes.

But I never looked at it as just information. It was a measurement of my worth for the day. It told me whether I was allowed to be happy that day…or if the results were bad, I had to hate myself and then punish myself by starving or…worse (believe me...you don't want to know the details of some of the things I've done to my body in the pursuit of thinness). Because of this fear, I used to not weigh myself for weeks. I wanted to weigh, but I also didn’t want to know. I struggled daily with the impulse…to weigh or not to weigh? And during those times when I wasn’t weighing myself, I was still focused on what the scale “probably” said. The fact is…whether I weighed or not, my weight was still the focus of my life.

This morning, while reading some folks' weight loss blogs, I realized that it’s been an amazing and freeing experience to not weigh myself. I think the difference this time has been because I’ve been told to NOT weigh myself FOR MY OWN GOOD. So apparently in my mind, it’s okay to not weigh and also to not think about it. (I've even stopped following some blogs that I realized were focusing in on the weight loss so much that it was a trigger for me...yes, I know, I seem to have LOTS of triggers...)

And so the impulse to "know" my weight has gradually subsided. Along with that, I’ve also noticed a quieting of the need to binge, and an increase in the desire and motivation to eat right and exercise. I’m not attributing all of this change to simply not weighing myself. I’m sure the therapy and the anti-depressants are helping with all these things. But as long as my medical doctor isn’t concerned about my weight (and she’s not..although she does say I need to lose about 10 lbs to be at an optimal weight for my age and height), and my clothes fit (or are getter looser, which they have been), I’m not going to worry about “that number” on the scale.

Whatever the reason(s), the change sure feels good. I guess only time will tell if it lasts. It’s still hard to imagine not ever weighing myself again. But for now, I’ll take the sense of peace that I’m feeling about this one issue.

I hope everyone has a happy and healthy day. Be good to yourselves!