Hello out there

I haven’t posted for a few days, mostly because I have been feeling very sorry for myself and wanted to immerse myself in the misery (lol). The upcoming Easter family get-together had me on edge and feeling very crabby. Now that it’s over, I’m breathing a sigh of relief. Yet, as time marches on, there will always be another event, and another one, and another…So, I definitely need to get a handle on my reactions to these circumstances.

And today there is good news! After my post last Wednesday night, I did call my medical doctor on Thursday morning for an appointment. It usually takes a few days to get in, so I expected the usual. But when the receptionist asked about the nature of the visit, I told her I was depressed. "Depressed" must be a trigger word, because she set me up with an appointment that same day. (I’m only guessing, but maybe they are concerned about depressed people committing suicide? I’m not in any way suicidal, but they would have no way to know that.) In any event, I appreciated the tactful and immediate response to my request for an appointment.

My doctor was amazing. After my dad died a few years ago, I was so depressed that she put me on Wellbutrin and it had a very positive effect. At the time, she had suggested therapy as an adjunct to the Wellbutrin, but I pooh-poohed it. I told her I just needed a boost to get out of the doldrums. So back then I took the drug for a few months until I was feeling better and then quit on my own. Well, Thursday, I told her how I felt I was descending into the depths again, and needed help getting out. She asked me what was going on, and we talked for what seemed like a long time. I explained about being in therapy and finally understanding some things about my childhood, such as the PTSD and my mom possibly being borderline personality disorder. I got a bit teary eyed, and she asked a few more probing questions and made some statements which gave me the impression she might actually have first-hand experience of her own with this. Toward the end of the appointment, she got a bit teary eyed herself. As silly as this might sound, this made me realize that doctors are people too, with their own issues and stresses that may have been rooted in childhood! I’ve never felt such true empathy from a medical doctor before. She kept telling me that I was okay, that it was my mom who has the problem.

So I’ve started back on Wellbutrin and although it takes about a week to start getting the full benefit, I am already feeling the positive effects. I’m a lot more upbeat and have noticed a decrease in the desire/need to binge or even overeat. Yesterday, at Easter dinner, I ate normally and only had one serving of everything. When hubby offered me a second helping of potatoes, I declined without any feeling of deprivation. Now, I'm of Scots-Irish heritage and I’ve never met a potato I didn’t love (or want to eat mass quantities of). Hubby looked at me like… “Who the heck is this woman?” This was all the more significant since I usually overeat A LOT at these stressful gatherings.

I’m finally coming to the realization that I don’t need to do this all on my own, and that there is help out there. It could be through support groups, exercise, blogging, therapy, medication…a combination of all of the above…or literally anything else that you find helps you. The lesson I’m learning is you just need to pursue what works for you.

Forgive the long post, but I just wanted to share what’s going on. I have a super busy week at work, but I’ll try to keep you all posted on how I’m doing. Take care.