Therapy is a Gift

I spent almost the whole 1-1/2 hour session today with Dr D talking about the bathing suit incident. I really wanted to know why I reacted so badly and why I felt so traumatized by it. I appreciate Dr D so much because she always provides me with a reality check. Sometimes, she just listens and validates how I am feeling.

We talked about how it felt to have a photo like that posted on "the internet". Even though this was not my friend's intention, I felt embarrassed, ashamed and even violated. Since I was asleep and therefore unaware that the photo was being taken, it almost felt like being photographed while in the bedroom or bathroom. I know this sounds a bit dramatic, but since I have a history of being shamed and ridiculed about my body at a young age, this incident just brought back those awful traumatic feelings.

I am feeling better today. It is amazing how talking about these things in a safe environment can take away so much of their power

Today was my last day of work until Tuesday. My husband didn't realize until I came home tonight that I was off until the day after Christmas. When I told him, he said, "I'm so glad…I love having you home." Is that sweet or what? I'm so lucky.

I'm pretty much done with my Christmas shopping, I just need to get a few cards, and maybe a fun little gift for Buster. This year, I'm really excited about my gift for my husband, it's a one-of-a-kind item, and pretty amazing if I do say so myself. I'll share more information after Christmas if anyone is interested.

Tomorrow I'm visiting my mom to help her put up her Christmas tree, and if she says anything about my weight, I intend to tell her the same thing I told our friends in Hawaii… "My doctor told me I am fine the way I am and that I should just stop thinking about my weight. So I am not going to discuss this anymore." Of course, saying this same thing to her will work in any situation, so I actually feel pretty comfortable about Christmas Day too.

This makes me realize that even though it seems like a slow (never-ending) process, I really am getting better. So therapy has been the best Christmas gift I could ever give myself.