This Too Shall Pass...

I just noticed it's been 10 days since my last post. For whatever reason, I haven't been in the mood to write a post. For some reason, I'm feeling a bit down, a bit depressed.

Today it's been 3 weeks since the surgery. There has been a lot of stuff to do, but I did feel like we had gotten into a routine of care. I felt like we were doing really well, but I was also looking forward to us getting back to normal.

Then BOOM...not so fast!

Hub had a setback yesterday. We went for a final follow-up ultrasound for the blood clot that he had shortly after the surgery. Because the 2nd appointment showed the clot was almost gone, I figured we were home free. So I sat in the waiting room reading my Kindle. I didn't really notice how long Hub had been back in the exam area until it had been a LONG time. Lots longer than the other 2 appointments. Finally, I got up and asked the receptionist what was going on. She said, "Well, they're just discussing treatment options."

Treatment options?? For what?? I must have looked totally shocked, because after she saw the look on my face, she said, "Oh, uh, maybe you would like to go back to where he is?" Uh, yes, please.

Well, it turned out blood clot had come back worse than ever, after Hub went off the injectable blood thinners last week. Shit. Anyway, we sat in the doctor's office, while the experts debated if it was serious enough to put him back in the hospital, or if it was okay to send him home with a new regimen of injectable blood thinners. Finally, they decided to send him home, but first they gave me a lecture about calling 9-1-1 if he has any of a number of symptoms. Believe me, guys, I do not need any encouragement to call 9-1-1. Because of my job, I know about too many instances of people who have died from throwing a clot after surgery. Sometimes too much knowledge can be a bad thing, but at least I won't be shy about calling 9-1-1.

But now I'm worried and it's hard to relax. Last night, I kept listening to him breathe while he slept, so I didn't sleep very well.

He still needs me to help him with a lot of normal day-to-day activities, and to drive him everywhere, post-op appointments, ultrasounds for the blood clot, physical therapy, etc. So I've only been working part-time...which is fine, because I'm allowed to use sick leave to take care of him, and I have plenty of sick leave saved up. Still, I feel guilty about not being at work my normal hours. Then again, I'm grateful for the time off, and the wonderful medical facilities to give him the best care.

Anyway right now I just feel out of sorts, like life will never be back to normal. I know logically that this is not true, but emotionally I'm a bit worn out.

I just need to keep in mind that this too shall pass.