Striving for NORMAL

This is going to be a boring post. It’s just that I keep having these minor epiphanies, and I wanted to make this one concrete for myself by writing it down. If you are bored, feel free to skip this post…I won’t blame you at all.

Here goes…

A few nights a week, hub and I have an ice cream bar or popsicle after dinner. We have a freezer full...WW, Healthy Choice, Carb Smart…fudge, coconut, strawberry, lime…we literally have a dozen different brands and flavors. We always tend towards so-called diet bars, but basically our idea is that if it’s around 120 calories, then it’s okay.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned the fact that…I don’t eat chocolate. I haven’t had chocolate since April 14, 1996 (yes, I know the exact date). Chocolate was one of my binge/purge foods…if I had one piece of chocolate, there wasn’t enough chocolate in the world to satisfy me. During a binge, I’d eat bags of chocolate covered peanuts, or a couple extra large Crunch bars, or a couple dozen Reese’s peanut butter cups. I was like an alcoholic…so at some point early in my recovery, I realized I needed to quit chocolate cold turkey. I actually went through hypnosis aversion therapy to give it up.

I’ve now been chocolate-free for over 13 years. When people offer me chocolate, I tell them I’m allergic. I do eat other candy...I love red candy like licorice and Swedish fish, and I still occasionally eat white chocolate (I gravitate toward white chocolate Reese’s PB cups or Lindt white chocolate truffles). But they don’t seem to be a binge trigger for me. I can eat a reasonable amount and then stop.

Back to the ice cream bars…since I don’t eat chocolate, my choices in ice cream bars are quite limited. Hub eats the diet chocolate-covered ice cream bars and the fudge bars. I’ve been relegated to coconut bars or strawberry popsicles, and a few other odds and ends. But after literally years of eating the same thing due to limited choices, I’ve gotten SUPER BORED.

So the other day, I was complaining to hub about my lack of choices. Yeah, I know...Boo hoo. But I was surprised when hub said…”You know, you never eat more than one a night so you can have any treat you want. You don’t need to be just eating diet stuff.” Although the idea initially made me nervous...he’s right…I have no problem eating just one ice cream bar.

So, with some trepidation, I started looking for a "non-chocolate" normal calorie ice cream bar, and I’ve found it…Good Humor toasted almond ice cream bars…180 calories. I had my first one tonight and they ARE GOOD!

And I’m learning…if I eat something I really like, rather than eating something just because it’s so-called diet, one is enough. I don’t feel the urge to binge or even to eat another one. These bars are 180 calories, more than I would normally allow myself. But when I look at the calorie count with a logical, normal thought process, it’s only about 60 calories more than a typical 120 cal diet bar.

This might sound strange to most people but for me, this is progress. It’s taken 56 years, but I think I’m finally learning how to be normal! And although sometimes I still get obsessive or fearful or overly self-critical, it feels good to be normal at least some of the time.

So, what do you say?!?!? LET'S HEAR IT FOR NORMAL!!!