Today was an okay day which turned into a very bad evening. It was good to get back to work, but of course I was just swamped. I didn’t leave the office from the time I got to work about 7:30 until 3:30 when I had to leave for a dental appointment at 4. I had packed my lunch, but I was so busy I didn’t even eat some of it. So I guess I was probably a bit calorie deficient. The teeth cleaning went well, and I got home about 5:30.
I was absolutely famished at that point. I had bought some low-fat peanut butter yesterday at Trader Joe’s, which I had put in the cupboard. I thought I’d have some on a cracker to tide me over until dinner. It wasn’t in the cupboard so I looked through the refrigerator but didn’t see it. I asked hub where it was, and he said “in the refrigerator.” Since I’d already looked for it, I politely asked “on the door or on the shelf?” He yelled at me “It’s in the refrigerator…it’s not that big of a refrigerator!”
I don’t know if I mentioned that hub sometimes is rather short with me, and sometimes treats me like I’m not too bright. This type of thing had happened a few times on vacation…we kind of quarreled a few times, but I usually just let it roll off my back. Hub’s MO has always been that the person who yells the loudest wins the argument. Usually he yells, then when I tell him to not yell at me, he denies he yelled, then I just shut up, and we get over it, and get back to normal.
To make a long story short…Not tonight. I came unglued. I snapped back…his thing lately is to tell me to take a pill (meaning a “hormone pill,” implying that all my problems are hormonal, nothing to do with his treatment of me). When he said that this time, I yelled… “No pill is gonna make it okay for you to yell at me and disrespect me!” When he started to come back with his usual denials of yelling (while yelling), I screamed so loudly I think I scared him… “Stop disrespecting me!” Then I got very quiet and I looked him right in the eye and very calmly said…”I want a divorce.” I think that freaked him out and rather than escalating the situation like he usually does, he started telling me “calm down, calm down…”
Now, friends, this is not my style. I’m usually very easy going and I don’t pick fights, but for some reason tonight, I’d had it. I was literally stomping around and cursing. It may have been the non-stop togetherness for the past 3 weeks, making me more sensitive to the way he talks to me; it may have been the Wellbutrin, (I read one of the rare side effects is irritability or even rage); maybe I was just too hungry; or maybe a combination of everything.
I went into the bedroom and cooled off for about half an hour, now we apparently have an unspoken truce.
But I just don’t know. I love him but honestly...he really is not very nice to me sometimes. I’d rather be alone than in a bad relationship. I really need to think about this.
"take a pill" would have been like a red rag to a bull for me! Grr! You have every right to be angry and he should learn not to say such sexist, condescending things. It is the way relationships end - either he is in, or out and if he is in, he should be more respectful!
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better today ((((hugs))))
It was probably all that time together and all that getting back to work. He'll apologize and all will be well.
ReplyDeleteThink of all the good things about him. Tomorrow things will look much brighter. People say naughty things to the ones they love all time....does the good out weigh the bad?
It's your call! Being alone is good, but kind of lonely sometimes. Plus there is alot of crazy out there.....one reason I am alone!
The one thing that sets me off is when I allow someone to make me feel stupid. Most of the time, it is in my mind, and not the intention of the person that I think made me feel that way, and yes, it is usually the husband. I bet you are both re-adjusting after the long road trip. I have read several posts where similar arguments happened on the same day that the poster was too busy to eat. Low blood sugar and stress seems to be a trigger. I'm certainly not saying he didn't get what he had coming, just saying the combination of everything is probably what caused the volcano to finally erupt. I hope that you and he are able to talk and it makes your relationship better and stronger. Sending good vibes your way G.
ReplyDeleteMy husband can be like yours at times - at least the making me feel stupid part. He too will yell saying he's not yelling. WTF is up with that?
ReplyDeleteMaybe write him a letter and tell him how he makes you feel when he says certain things. Good luck.
Good advice from TJ. A letter will work if you really need to get his attention with how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI've been right where you are many times. More times than I can count. You know where I am if you need to unload!
Big big hugs!
I'm sorry he made you feel lousy. It could be all the vacationing and now it's time to get back to "normal life." But that is no excuse for his manner of speaking to you. You deserve to be respected and talked to with kindness.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like there are some things that get swept under the rug and it may be time to deal with them. I'm sending good wishes your way and hope things work out - for the best.
Oh my gosh! I could have written this post! My husband does the exact same thing to me, he moves stuff around, then I can't find it and we have a fight. He implies I'm stupid and not too bright. Man, can I relate to this.
ReplyDeleteI don't have the answers. If I did I wouldn't be in this marriage trying to figure out if I should stay or if I should leave.
Just know I'm thinking about you and can totally relate.
I just wrote a post about what we are going through here at my house. I yelled at my husband (screamed more like) for the first time just a month or two ago. I have had a huge drop in my tolerance level for bullshit, and I am pushing back. We are in kind of a standoff right now ourselves. I am glad you freaked out on him, just as I was when I freaked out on mine. He deserved it a long time ago, and when I blew... well anyway. I am working it out in therapy too, specifically NOT going there every time I am mad now.
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