Food for Thought, Weight Loss & Fun Stuff

Food for Thought:
Fatinah left a comment on my last post, which I really appreciated, that I should be careful not to use divorce as a threat. This is very wise counsel. It was another angle to the situation on Monday that I hadn’t thought of.

But was it just an idle threat, to get what I want or to make him pay attention to me? No, it wasn’t. To be truthful, I have thought of divorce off and on for many years, but only when he is treating me badly, which is sporadic. Then things are good for a while (months, even), and the thought leaves my mind.

This is the first time in 16 years of marriage (we’ve been together since 1988) that I’ve ever said “divorce” out loud. When I said it on Monday night, I really meant it. It was the first time…I think in my whole life…that I had actually let myself feel that angry and express it. If he had not stopped his mean talk, I know I would have left that night. And he is apparently smart enough to know that when I reacted the way I did, that something was different. He knew I meant it. I could see by the way he responded, differently than he had ever responded before, that he was afraid.

Now I’m working on ways to either make sure it doesn’t happen again, or to deal with it in a positive fashion when it does. I feel much better prepared since I discussed it with Dr D. I’m not sure I could ever get hub to go into marriage counseling, but I’m definitely understanding him better. On my own, I think I can make it better.

Weight Loss:
I’ve started weighing myself again. But for some reason I’m not scared or crazy when I do, and I only do it occasionally. (Again, therapy apparently is helpful.) I weighed right before I went on vacation (173); immediately post vacation (176). A gain of 3 lbs! …but my first thought was, hey, only 3 lbs..that’s GOOD! I didn’t freak out over gaining 3 lbs! I was proud of myself for that.

Then I noticed my pants were baggy this morning, so I weighed myself…172 (that’s 4 lbs lost in 4 days). Seriously, I don’t know what’s going on, except that food has not been very appealing lately (other than the cookies the other day) maybe from stress. With a somewhat vague final goal of 160-165, that means I only have between 7-12 lbs left to lose. Whatever. It’s just a number. And I promise I won't weigh myself again at least until next Friday...don't want to slip back into old bad habits of weighing constantly or being afraid to weigh at all.

Now for the FUN STUFF:
GIRLZNDOGZ!!!

Girlzndogz are going to the beach this weekend! That's Pam and I, with Buster, Olive, and Kermit. We are going to Ocean Shores and have rented a 2 bedroom condo right on the beach. We are going to walk on the beach with the dogs, and just generally kick back for 2 days. (And it will be an opportunity to give hub and me some space, so we can start fresh next week.) I think there might be a few adult beverages consumed. The weather looks like a mixed bag, but who cares. Whoo Hoo! I'm doing the happy dance!