Getting Back on Track

After our last visitors left on Monday, I had all sorts of good intentions of getting right back into healthy eating and working out. After all, the scale showed I had gained 4 lbs in the last 2 weeks. (4 lbs...Eeeek!) Unfortunately, work was so busy I didn't have time to workout, and although I took my lunch to work each day, I found myself craving and eating a lot more junk than I normally indulge in.

Yesterday…I met my goal of working out, but food was still a bit out there. I drove to a local trail park and walked for 3 miles, but then I needed to stop at the drug store. I was really hungry, so while I was there, I ended up buying 2 candy bars, 200 calories each, and scarfing them down in the car on the way home. That sounds counterproductive, doesn't it? Work out then go eat crap. lol. I really shouldn't let myself get so hungry, because that's when I make crazy choices. Then we went to a local Chinese buffet for dinner. I didn't do too badly in what I chose, and I ate small portions, but there's always a lot of sodium in that food. Finally...last night, I discovered a stash of caramels that I had completely forgotten about in the pantry...they'd been there since Christmas so they were really chewy. Still, I ate all 5 of those. Bleh.

So, today has been a lot better, especially in the food category. I've been really trying to drink a lot of water too.

We were invited over to some friends' house for dinner tonight, but both hub and I wanted to give ourselves some time to "recover" (meaning a while to get back on track). Our friends both just lost a bunch of weight on Weight Watchers, so they completely understood. So we're going next weekend instead.

I'm not going to weigh myself again until Friday. I'm hoping to be back down to my new "normal" by then. When I say new "normal" I mean that's the weight I've been hovering around for the last 2 months, which is 162. (My new "danger number" is 165, when I go over that, I kind of freak out. And I saw 166 on Monday.)

We're lucky to be having a gorgeous day, sun shining and about 70 degrees. I need to do a few things outside, so I'll see you later.

P.S. In retrospect, I feel kind of guilty about my last post about our visitor Ray. I was talking to a friend about it, and I've come to the conclusion that he didn't mean to upset me. I think he is just old and nervous and worried about everything.

Thank you lord...

...All visitors have departed. No more company scheduled for the immediate future. We should be able to get back to "normal" this week.

By the time "old friend Ray" left, I was ready to kill him. Now, I promise I didn't show how I felt, I was very civil the whole time.

But I'm not used to anyone (including my hub) bossing me around. If you're interested, here's another story about Ray...

A few days before he left, I was out doing some errands and when I got back, I heard him call me from the living room...in a very demanding voice..."Where have you been???…you said you would be back a little later and it's been 4 hours!"

Well, the errands took me longer than I expected. (I wanted to say...Excuse me, who do you think you are talking to, old man?)

Then immediately…"Where is your dog???"

I don't know Ray, I just walked in the door. He's probably outside. (He was.)

But, here's the next thing Ray said (yelled really)

"The doctor just called and (your husband) has cancer!!!"

WTF???? What do you mean, Ray?

"Well, I probably shouldn't have said anything, you need to ask (your husband) about it."

Of course, I am panicked. I have visions of chemo and radiation therapy and losing my best friend. I race to find my hub, who is sitting outside talking to a neighbor. I come up and they continue chatting. And chatting. I finally can't stand it...I interrupt and ask "Do you have cancer??? Ray just told me the doctor says you have cancer!"

Hub looks at me like I'm crazy. Then it dawns on him what Ray was talking about…a week ago when he was getting a check up, the doctor took off a small skin spot…that turned out to be "CANCER"…basal cell cancer. The doctor called to tell him and Ray was in the room when hub and the doctor discussed it on the phone.

Basal cell carcinoma. The most common skin cancer. Hub has had a few other of these little spots removed over the past 10 years.

BFD.

Take it off and live for another 40 years. Die of something else.

Hub said..."Dear, if I had cancer, you would be the third person to know, after the doctor and myself. It certainly wouldn't be Ray, and he had no business saying anything like that to you."

Along with being very relieved, it was at that moment that I wanted to KILL RAY. I don't care how old and frail he is, he was becoming a menace to my mental health.

But killing him was against the law. So I didn't. But I was PISSED. After that, I just avoided him as much as possible, without it being too obvious, until he left a few days later.

Anyway, that was just one typical fun-filled day with Ray, there were many other similar happy moments...thank the lord, he finally went home last Friday.

Then enter hub's best friend from San Francisco and his daughter "L"…these are the friends I do really love. I wrote about these friends in December. "L" is the one I hiked the crater with on the Big Island.

She and I took 2 really long hikes this weekend...then we all spent the rest of the weekend enjoying the sunshine (wearing hats and sunscreen, of course), drinking adult beverages, and eating good food. It was a wonderful weekend and made up a lot for the stressful week with Ray.

But all good things must end, and our friends went home this morning on a 6 a.m. flight…I had to take them to the airport at 4:30, and then go straight to work, so I'm pretty tired right now. I think I'm going to bed.

Grrrrr...

An old friend named Ray is visiting from Hawaii, he just got here yesterday afternoon. When I say old, I mean OLD…90 years old. Hub used to work for Ray back in the 70s and they've kept in touch ever since. He comes to visit us for about a week every year. Ray is a nice old guy, and I don't mind having him around.

But something he said yesterday is bugging me. I'm feeling kind of mad about it. I guess I should explain…

My hub is overweight. Yes, it's true...He weighs about 290, and for his height he should weigh about 190. The fact that he is overweight makes not one bit of difference to me, never has, other than I wish he could lose for his health (he has bad knees and losing weight would help that, I know). The fact is, back in the early 80s, before I met him, he weighed almost 400 lbs, so he has lost 100 lbs from his highest weight.

My hub works out, eats right most of the time, whatever... He tries to lose, he wishes he could lose. But he is overweight. It's a fact but it's not anyone else's business.

Believe it or not, I'm used to hearing remarks about his weight. Sometimes strangers yell out stuff from their cars as they drive by. Sometimes casual acquaintances will say stuff to me, telling me he needs to lose weight, like that's a revelation to me. Duh. Or a long time ago, one guy even asked, "Why is your husband so fat?" Depending on the situation, what exactly was said, and who said it, I usually reply back that my husband is one of the most wonderful people I know and his weight is none of the commenter's business, or "fuck off and die, asshole." (...or something to that extent…like I said, depends on what was said and who said it).

So, back to our old friend Ray…we went out for dinner and being 90 years old, Ray doesn't walk very well, so after dinner hub went to get the car while I waited with Ray. As hub walked away, Ray said to me, "He really needs to lose weight." Trying to be kind, I said, "He's working on it." Then Ray said in a rather dismissive tone "Well, he just needs to have the intestinal fortitude to do it."

GRRRRR. I just saw red for a minute. But this definitely was not a "fuck off and die asshole" situation. So, I took a deep breath and said in a very controlled tone, "Ray, you of all people should know that one thing my husband doesn't lack is intestinal fortitude." Then Ray said…"oh, I'm just an old man saying stuff I shouldn't be saying." At which point, hub arrived with the car, and the subject was dropped.

Ray has known my hub for 40 years. He knows how generous and kind my hub is (who else would invite a lonely old man to come stay for a week, entertain him, feed him, be his friend?) And how smart and funny and…yes, strong willed…my hub is. My hub is not lazy or weak...he has none of the so-called "personality defects" that people (bigoted, ignorant, awful people) attribute to overweight people. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to build up a successful business in spite of the weight discrimination he's been subjected to almost his whole life. He has never let his weight stand in the way of doing anything he wanted to do.

But for some reason, Ray felt it was necessary to comment negatively on my hub's weight. And to be rather nasty about it. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it, but it's bugging me. And I don't know if I handled this situation right. But I am so sick of people judging others based only on appearance. I'm tired of the superior attitude of people who've never had a weight problem, or even of people who have lost weight and now think they can look down on others. I resent people saying stuff to me about my husband's weight.

Even if they are just nice old men.