“At least I didn’t hurl.” I chuckled when I read this on A True Heart Girl’s blog post this morning. She hadn't been feeling well, yet she still worked out and almost threw up...but didn't. It struck me as a humorous way to describe the little victories we experience sometimes... sometimes it's a victory to just not throw up. Little did I know those words would come back to haunt me.
I felt just a bit rocky this morning after my evening of debauchery. Still, not too bad, considering the amount of wine I consumed last night. It was fairly nice outside…at least it wasn’t raining! So, I asked myself, what better way to get back on track than to go kick my own ass?
As I’ve mentioned previously, B and I love to take the Big Walk (which is a specific walk we take in a park that is a series of trails; it's about a 10 minute drive away from our house). Well, I decided we were going to take the Big Walk, with an extra length of trail added in at the very beginning. I’ve taken this extra piece once before loooong ago, and this morning I was reminded of why I haven’t done it again...
The extra length is straight uphill for 10 minutes. Yes, straight uphill…mountain goat uphill. And the trail was very slippery and squishy in spots from non-stop rain over the last 5 days. Being just a tiny bit compulsive (ha ha), I’m not one to stop along the way to catch my breath. So by the time we got to the top, I was this close to throwing up or passing out, I’m not sure which. At that moment, I remembered True Heart Girl’s words, but I sure wasn’t laughing anymore. Instead of blood coursing through my veins, I think it was pinot noir. And I knew we still had about another hour to go to finish what we had started. Thank God the opposite of “uphill at the beginning” is “downhill at the end.” After 1 hour and 15 minutes, we completed the mission and I was able to stumble back to the car on wobbly legs.
Today wasn’t probably the best day to do this walk, so I’m definitely going to try it again soon. I want see how much better I can do time-wise when I’m not suffering from a slight hangover.
But at least I did it today…and at least I didn’t hurl.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I am...THE CARB QUEEN
Today was non-stop work but at lunch I was able to get over to Curves to work out. The place was empty so I really enjoyed it. I was able to spend a little extra time on each machine if I felt like it. The normal circuit is twice around the machines, but I did 3 times so it took about 45 minutes.
While I was there, occasionally other ladies drifted in and out and honestly, it seemed like they all worked out with not much determination or energy or enthusiasm (but I’m not judging because I don’t know what their situation or health was). Personally, I worked as hard as I could, so I was really sweating by the end of 3 times around. It was fun because I chatted with the lady who worked there the whole time as I went from machine to machine. As many people have said, your workout is what you personally make of it. So, for me it was fun and I felt as if I had accomplished a good workout.
And then…after work, hubby and I went to dinner with another couple. We went to a tapas/wine bar and it was great. Over the course of 3 hours, the four of us drank 3 bottles of pinot noir (currently, this is my favorite wine) and we shared appetizers which were bread with crab dip and French fries, then my entrée was….MAC & CHEESE! They used 4 cheeses, Gruyere, bleu, cheddar, and parmesan. OMG it was good!!!!!! but I did only eat about half (the rest I brought home). Yes, I am a total carb addict! Potatoes and pasta and bread plus wine…what more could you want?? You know what, I had fun and I don't regret it, which is unusual for me. I want to live my life and enjoy it and be with friends and eat wonderful food. It seems strange to say this but I really I did enjoy every aspect of the evening. I'm usually so guilt ridden whenever I eat anything I "shouldn't." But not tonight. I had a great time! So a few weeks ago, I was the Dog Whisperer; tonight I am the Carb Queen! I never realized that I have so many personalities!
Okay, so I need to go to bed, sleep it off and get back to business. Tomorrow it’s actually supposed to be nice (after 5 straight days of rain), so B and I will go for an excellent adventure (a BIG WALK). And this is another thing I really enjoy, walking with B. I'm actually just as happy thinking about that walk as I was eating all those carbs tonight. The bottom line is...I am freaking HAPPY right now!
Hmmmm...Is this progress? It feels like it. I hope so.
While I was there, occasionally other ladies drifted in and out and honestly, it seemed like they all worked out with not much determination or energy or enthusiasm (but I’m not judging because I don’t know what their situation or health was). Personally, I worked as hard as I could, so I was really sweating by the end of 3 times around. It was fun because I chatted with the lady who worked there the whole time as I went from machine to machine. As many people have said, your workout is what you personally make of it. So, for me it was fun and I felt as if I had accomplished a good workout.
And then…after work, hubby and I went to dinner with another couple. We went to a tapas/wine bar and it was great. Over the course of 3 hours, the four of us drank 3 bottles of pinot noir (currently, this is my favorite wine) and we shared appetizers which were bread with crab dip and French fries, then my entrée was….MAC & CHEESE! They used 4 cheeses, Gruyere, bleu, cheddar, and parmesan. OMG it was good!!!!!! but I did only eat about half (the rest I brought home). Yes, I am a total carb addict! Potatoes and pasta and bread plus wine…what more could you want?? You know what, I had fun and I don't regret it, which is unusual for me. I want to live my life and enjoy it and be with friends and eat wonderful food. It seems strange to say this but I really I did enjoy every aspect of the evening. I'm usually so guilt ridden whenever I eat anything I "shouldn't." But not tonight. I had a great time! So a few weeks ago, I was the Dog Whisperer; tonight I am the Carb Queen! I never realized that I have so many personalities!
Okay, so I need to go to bed, sleep it off and get back to business. Tomorrow it’s actually supposed to be nice (after 5 straight days of rain), so B and I will go for an excellent adventure (a BIG WALK). And this is another thing I really enjoy, walking with B. I'm actually just as happy thinking about that walk as I was eating all those carbs tonight. The bottom line is...I am freaking HAPPY right now!
Hmmmm...Is this progress? It feels like it. I hope so.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I miss my grandma
I was going to describe my Curves experience today (which was good), but something else has come up that I wanted to focus on while I’m in the moment…
I’m honestly not sure what to think about this therapy stuff. I seem to be all over the board with what comes into my head and out of my mouth. I’m not really sure I want to go down some of these tangential roads…but it’s kind of like being on a roller coaster. Once you start, I guess you almost have to stay on until the ride stops.
So, during today’s session, out of the blue I started weeping about missing my grandma…who died unexpectedly of a heart attack in 1972. She lived with us while I was growing up, and she was so good to me. I loved her so much. But come on, folks, it’s been 37 years since she died!! But I spent over half the session talking about her and crying. I cried all the way home in the car, too, tears streaming down my face, and I’m totally drained right now.
Dr D thinks my grandma was essentially my substitute mother, because I couldn’t trust my real mother. Grandma was my safe haven. And she always made sure I had candy and cookies (when Mom wasn’t looking, of course, because I wasn’t supposed to be eating those things). There was a lot more to it, but that's the essence.
The weird thing is, after all these years, I still dream about Grandma. Except instead of dreaming about us being together, it’s more like I’m searching for her. I run into our house, and I go from room to room, but she’s not there and I'm devastated. Gad! Even typing this makes me tear up again.
This is all a bit too deep for me. I started therapy because I just want to stop being obsessed with my weight and hating my body. I’m a results oriented person, so I want to be “fixed” right now, without going through all the time and messy emotional crap (and to be honest…the expense) that appears to be necessary to get those so-called results.
Anybody know of a Jack in the Box where you can get your soul fixed at the drive through?
I’m honestly not sure what to think about this therapy stuff. I seem to be all over the board with what comes into my head and out of my mouth. I’m not really sure I want to go down some of these tangential roads…but it’s kind of like being on a roller coaster. Once you start, I guess you almost have to stay on until the ride stops.
So, during today’s session, out of the blue I started weeping about missing my grandma…who died unexpectedly of a heart attack in 1972. She lived with us while I was growing up, and she was so good to me. I loved her so much. But come on, folks, it’s been 37 years since she died!! But I spent over half the session talking about her and crying. I cried all the way home in the car, too, tears streaming down my face, and I’m totally drained right now.
Dr D thinks my grandma was essentially my substitute mother, because I couldn’t trust my real mother. Grandma was my safe haven. And she always made sure I had candy and cookies (when Mom wasn’t looking, of course, because I wasn’t supposed to be eating those things). There was a lot more to it, but that's the essence.
The weird thing is, after all these years, I still dream about Grandma. Except instead of dreaming about us being together, it’s more like I’m searching for her. I run into our house, and I go from room to room, but she’s not there and I'm devastated. Gad! Even typing this makes me tear up again.
This is all a bit too deep for me. I started therapy because I just want to stop being obsessed with my weight and hating my body. I’m a results oriented person, so I want to be “fixed” right now, without going through all the time and messy emotional crap (and to be honest…the expense) that appears to be necessary to get those so-called results.
Anybody know of a Jack in the Box where you can get your soul fixed at the drive through?
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