But, every time we do something like this (i.e. "go away"), and I spend the weekend being somewhat lax in my eating, I have anxiety about what I am going to wear the first day back to work.
Depending upon my schedule, some days I have to wear my uniform, some days not. If I have to wear my uniform, I experience more anxiety than usual...
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| Will my uniform belt be too tight today? |
So, even though I have been working on this issue, and I accept myself as I am much more than I used to, I still gauge how my day will go by how my uniform fits.
Our department uniform belts are 2 inches wide and are really designed for men, who are built a lot different from women (I know...shocking). At least I can say, I still wear the same belt I had when I started with my department over 25 years ago.
But...I am on a different notch on the belt...because my waist is about 2 inches more than it was 25 years ago. So instead of being on the first notch like I was in 1988, I'm on the last.
I think this is what gives me the anxiety...I keep thinking I should weigh exactly the same as I did when I was 35 years old. And when I put on my uniform, it reminds me that my body is not the same body it was back in 1988. Which pisses me off.
I sometimes wonder if I will EVER get over some of these issues, and accept myself unconditionally?
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