Yesterday, the sun was shining so I worked outside on my garden most of the day. It's amazing what a little sunshine does for my mood. Unfortunately, today it is raining again. But the extended forecast does at least have some sun!
I spent Wednesday with my mom, and on the way home I ate a whole bag of Caramel Crunch Chex Mix. 8 servings in the bag, 120 calories each, 21 carbs a serving. It didn't even taste that good, and I felt like crap while I ate it. Afterwards I had a horrible stomach ache, but for some reason I just felt the need to eat mindlessly on the way home. Well, not for "some" reason. Rather, because my mom still drives me crazy. She can be so critical and self-absorbed. Fortunately, I was able to pull myself together and get back on the 4HB program Thursday.Then I spent most of my session on Thursday with Dr D discussing the event. The nice thing is she brings me back to reality. I spent the 24 hours after eating the Chex mix obsessing and reliving the eating. Thinking about what a horrible person I am for eating that. Dr D brings me back to reality. I'm not a horrible person because I ate compulsively. One binge is not the end of the world, and 98 percent of the time I'm doing great. The other 2 percent, when I react to situations emotionally by binging doesn't mean I'm a worthless person. I need to remember that, and not beat myself up so badly.
I've decided to not weigh myself anymore, since I seem to be stuck at one weight (plus or minus one or two pounds). The normal "up" fluctuations wreak havoc with my mood and self-esteem. The "down" fluctuations are so tenuous and fleeting, that it causes me too much trepidation and anxiety because I anticipate they are not going to stay. So it's just not worth it anymore. Instead, I have a old pair of jeans that fit me perfectly when I weighed about 5 lbs less than I do now. I tried them on yesterday, and they were snug, which was fine because I didn't expect them to fit at all. From now on, I'll try these jeans on every Friday and the way they fit will be my guide as to how I'm doing.
I hope everyone is having a nice Sunday. I just hope it stops raining long enough that I can at least take B to the park.
Good luck with the dog walk. Lacey just looks at me with big, sad eyes now. She knows it is bad out there. Is there really sunshine coming?
ReplyDeleteGood recovery from the one-day nutty eating. I can never see that sort of thing coming, but afterwards I can do lots more damage beating myself up just like you did. Old habits. I like the idea of the jeans too.
Yes, good recovery from the binge. And good move on not weighing. I thoroughly endorse the old pants-o-meter - an excellent guide and much more accurate and meaningful than a fluctuating number on a scale.
ReplyDeleteI hope you and B got out to the park.
I love your idea of using the old pair of jeans as indicator of your weight. Best wishes and one binge doesn't define you. I think you are amazing.
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