"KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON"

Words to live by

My mom’s birthday was Tuesday, so Monday morning, I drove down to her house in Tacoma to put up her tree and help her with some other chores. Then we drove that evening to Seattle to see the closing night of the Seattle Men’s Chorus* production called Holiday GLEE (which was so amazing.) I spent the night at her house, and then took her shopping Tuesday morning.

Spending a lot of time with my mom is always stressful. She has a low tolerance for frustration, and she is getting a bit dotty to boot. So she’ll ask me to help her with something, but if I don’t do it just exactly the way she would do it, look out! She stands right there, watching me and trying to tell me how to do it, which is very nerve wracking. Usually it's nothing too complicated, but she has to be the one in charge. Then, one minute she tells me that she loves and appreciates me so much, then the next minute she’s nasty to me or says demeaning things. She also has a habit of sighing heavily, as if to say “What did I ever do to deserve this burden?”

It’s hard to explain, but Mom really pushes my buttons. I want her to feel loved, but at the same time, I fear for my own sanity when I’m around her too much. So I have to find that perfect balance of daughterly devotion and emotional self-preservation. Originally I had told her I would spend all Tuesday with her. So I lied...yes, I LIED to my MOTHER...and told her something had come up and I needed to go to work yesterday afternoon. It was either that or have a meltdown. At least she does understand that my and my husband’s "positive employment status" (i.e. we both are lucky to have good jobs) keeps her in the style to which she has become accustomed (we help her a lot with her bills and home maintenance), so she begrudgingly accepted my leaving earlier than originally planned.

Now I just need to get through Christmas Day. It’s always a walking-on-eggshells kind of day, especially since my hub does not like my mom (partly because he knows a lot about my childhood and partly because my mom is just downright rude sometimes) and he has never been one to shy away from conflict. I'm always on "high alert" during these holidays (which Dr D says is really not good for me or my mental health). I have asked my whole family repeatedly that we not discuss politics at family gatherings…suffice it to say that there are many differing opinions on many subjects. My hub and my brother and his family all abide by the request, but my mom for some reason feels the need to make snide comments which I know (and I know she knows) will start a fight. I think my mom would like me to take her side against my hub, which is just plain STUPID...because Hub and I have the same political views.

But...there is a silver lining!
Surprisingly, I’m not eating over any of the stress. In fact, I haven’t even been thinking about food in spite of all the treats everywhere I go and the parties we've been to. I have decided not to worry about my weight until the New Year. I can tell from my clothes fitting more comfortably that I have lost at least some of the vacation weight since I got home. I don’t know how much but I’m not going to even look at the scale. If it’s not “enough” (meaning...if I haven’t lost ALL of it) it would make me crazy and I don’t need to be any more crazy than I already am right now...lol. At least if I am comfortable and not gaining weight, I don’t really need to know the exact number.

I am looking forward to tomorrow (no work), Christmas Eve, and the day after Christmas. Hub has his office party tomorrow at lunch; we're going to a Korean barbecue place. On Christmas Eve, I’m ushering at the 3 p.m. Mass, and then we are going out to dinner with some friends. Sunday, I've got NOTHING planned, except to recover from Christmas. Then next week is another short week, and the New Year’s holiday is always stress-free and fun....No family gatherings!...Yay!

Anyway, that's it for now. I should be able to find some time to post again before Christmas, but just in case I don't...I wish you all a wonderful holiday!

*The production is obviously geared towards GLBT. It was just fabulous, the talent was unbelievable, and both my mom and I loved it. After the show in the lobby, I was chatting with one of the singers and asked what probably sounds like an un-PC question...is there a "requirement" to be gay to be in the chorus? He said no, but 98 percent of the chorus IS gay.