A Thankful Cleansing

Today has been a day of cleansing

As I watch the big rainstorm happening right now…

Today was beautiful, sunny and warm, until around 3:30…then a cloud cover came and by 4 pm it had unleashed a thunderstorm of major proportions.  Thunder and lightning!

As this was happening, I was calling and emailing back and forth between a title/escrow company about my mother’s house. (As my mom's power of attorney, it is up to me to handle all my mother's financial affairs.)  

A month ago, after only 2 days on the market, we had a full price offer on my mother’s house.   (As I told my Hub a few months ago…”If I never have to set foot in this house again, I will be happy.”  I never lived there, and it has truly been a source of problems and misery for me for the last 10 years, after my dad died in 2006.  Having to drive 2 hours each way to see my mom, to take her to the doctor for a "personal" issue that we couldn't get resolved because she could not remember how to use a medication; to grocery shop for her because she stopped eating anything but junk food; to help her with house/dog/bank issues etc etc, because she could not remember how to do anything herself.)

Anyway, it took some time to get a few wrinkles ironed out…Bank of America is a bunch of assholes (seriously…yes, THEY ARE), and so is my only brother (I told my husband today If I never speak to my brother again in my life, it will be fine with me)…but FINALLY TODAY all the paperwork was complete, the buyer’s money is waiting to be deposited into my mother’s savings account once I sign some papers tomorrow…(the money will now be readily available to pay for her ongoing care at her memory care facility).

So tonight I am celebrating this cleansing with a beautiful rainstorm.   

After tomorrow, I will never have to drive 2 hours to my mom’s house again, and my life will be so much simpler.

I am so relieved and thankful…

Thankful for my husband who took control of all the house repairs that needed to occur before the house could be sold; and for talking me off the ledge when my brother started to be a jerk about signing some papers…and for finally today getting my brother to sign the necessary papers by threatening him with “something.”  (Don’t ask, don’t tell…)

Thankful for the amazing title company people who worked TIRELESSLY to help me with Bank of America (BTW, based on their treatment of me…on Monday, Bank of America will no longer have my mother’s accounts, now containing a LARGE amount of money from the sale of the house).

And, finally, on a totally unrelated but coincidental note…

Thankful for finding a chiropractor who is finally helping me with a chronic issue with my arm, that has been impacting my weightlifting, sleeping, and just general enjoyment of life for the last 6 months.  After my second treatment today, I am feeling better, stronger, less pain…I’m thrilled.

Today, May 4, 2017, is a great day.  

A CLEANSING DAY.

Happy March!

Hard to believe it's March already!  It seems like POOF February disappeared!

Although we had snow about 10 days ago, it was gone within a day and Spring is now springing on us big time here in the PNW.  Tulips are coming up and the weather is definitely more mild each day.

Time for doggie haircuts as their winter coats are super thick and will be too hot within the next few weeks.  One of the dogs, Bonnie, looks like she weighs a ton but it's mostly fur.  Her hair almost looks like dreadlocks, so I call her Rasta Dog.

Bonnie, one of the dogs I inherited from my mom

(Now, I hope you will indulge me as I complain about my mother ONE MORE TIME, after this it will be only occasionally and I promise she will not be the main focus of future posts.)

Mom still drives me nutty but I’m learning more and more (with the help of my dear Hub) not to let her get to me.  But boy, she sure does know how to get into my head.  Her latest thing is that I moved her, without her consent, into the assisted living facility.  She wants to still be in her home with her two little dogs.  (Personally, I would like that too, but that's water under the bridge.)  

Fine, but "if you recall, Mom," the move was discussed ad nauseum before it happened. 

At the time (a little over a year ago), it was gradually becoming more obvious that it would be necessary to move her, because she wasn’t taking care of herself or her dogs.  The final straw was she had a car accident  (at night and in the pouring rain) that she didn’t report and to this day, we do not know where she was or what she hit (thankfully, it was apparently an inanimate object and not a person).  The only reason I found out is I discovered the front end of the car was wrecked when I went to visit her.  When we went to get the car fixed, the insurance company cancelled her insurance because of the circumstances.  So, she couldn’t drive without insurance. 

Anyway, did I move her without her consent?  Not really, we discussed the situation and she understood we had no other choice except to move.  Because how was she going to live if she couldn’t drive her car?  And the bottom line is...she was unsafe in her house.  All this she either forgets because of the dementia or she "conveniently" forgets it.  Sometimes it is hard to tell which is which.

The fact that we had no choice really is not too relevant, because she bugs me constantly about it anyway.  She insists everything at her house was "just fine."  So she’s resentful and angry about everything.  Well, so am I, Mom, so am I.  This wasn't exactly what I wanted to do with my life either (taking over managing the day to day life of a cranky, abusive, unappreciative, mean old lady). 

Anyway, I’m actually doing quite well emotionally.  I think I’m getting more and more immune to the day to day complaints and recriminations.  Because Hub lets me vent, and then with patience and without fail tells me “YOU HAD NO OTHER CHOICE!”  Yes, he's my personal therapist and even though he's free, he's worth every penny.  (ha ha)

(Okay, done and DONE.)

Exercise has been stellar, if I do say so myself.  It helps that I have a trainer that kicks my butt 4 times a week; then I do cardio on my own one other day.  On the other two days, I mostly keep busy with chores at home, walking 3 dogs, etc. 

Food…well, meh. That’s up and down.  But at least there have been no compulsive sugar binges.  Yay!  Weight seems to be stable (I'm guessing it's around 165-170), but it goes without saying, I’d like to lose a couple of pounds before we go to Hawaii later this month (just for a week...on business...but we'll be on the beach a bit of course).  If I could just clean up my diet a bit, I think the pounds would drop and I’d be happy.  But then again, not going to get crazy about it.  "Crazy" when it comes to my diet is a behavior that is mostly in the past and which never proved to productive long term anyway (in fact it was counter productive).

I turned 64 at the end of February, so looking at perhaps retiring next year after I turn 65 (if hub ever decides to quit working). So I have that to look forward to.

Hope everyone is doing welll!  Thanks for reading.     
 

I Will Not Eat Crap

My mom and I still have our ups and downs.  With the dementia, her filters are almost non-existent. 

For example, I visited her Saturday and had lunch with her and some of her buddies.  One of her friends said “You look nice today.”  I guess washing my hair and wearing a scarf that matches my sweater is the height of fashion at the Home.  Anyway, I’ll take any compliment that comes my way (even if it is made by an elderly woman who is almost blind…seriously, this friend of my mother’s is very near sighted).  So I said Thank You!   

But, instead of agreeing with her, what does my mother do?  She says, “Yeah, well, I don’t like that sweater on you, it makes you look fat.”  And as usual, even after all these years, I'm always caught off guard by her meanness.  You'd think I'd learn!  

It’s always tricky how to respond to something like that.  I can feel hurt or just laugh it off.  So I (try to) laugh it off.  What good does it do to respond to her anyway?  She doesn’t remember anything past 5 minutes. And I’ve come to expect it from her…she’s always been very competitive with me but it took me years to recognize that was what was going on. 

Last night Hub and I were going grocery shopping and as I rode along in the car, I started to realize I felt a bit depressed.  As I analyzed what I was feeling, I realized that it’s possible my mother could live another 20 years…she’s in really good health except for her mind.  So I have that to look forward to for the foreseeable future…The constant offhand insults and negativity and complaints.  I start to realize that even now I overreact and dwell on things she says and does (not outwardly but inside it hurts).  And it never fails...She gives me a stomach ache and makes me want to eat crap.  

Anyway, I know logically that in the scheme of things, this is such a very, very small problem.  So, instead of letting it bother me, I’m going to decide to be grateful for what it is, because I know it could be so much worse. 

Thanks for listening…I feel much better having written about it.  And I will not use her actions as an excuse to eat crap.