This Too Shall Pass...

I just noticed it's been 10 days since my last post. For whatever reason, I haven't been in the mood to write a post. For some reason, I'm feeling a bit down, a bit depressed.

Today it's been 3 weeks since the surgery. There has been a lot of stuff to do, but I did feel like we had gotten into a routine of care. I felt like we were doing really well, but I was also looking forward to us getting back to normal.

Then BOOM...not so fast!

Hub had a setback yesterday. We went for a final follow-up ultrasound for the blood clot that he had shortly after the surgery. Because the 2nd appointment showed the clot was almost gone, I figured we were home free. So I sat in the waiting room reading my Kindle. I didn't really notice how long Hub had been back in the exam area until it had been a LONG time. Lots longer than the other 2 appointments. Finally, I got up and asked the receptionist what was going on. She said, "Well, they're just discussing treatment options."

Treatment options?? For what?? I must have looked totally shocked, because after she saw the look on my face, she said, "Oh, uh, maybe you would like to go back to where he is?" Uh, yes, please.

Well, it turned out blood clot had come back worse than ever, after Hub went off the injectable blood thinners last week. Shit. Anyway, we sat in the doctor's office, while the experts debated if it was serious enough to put him back in the hospital, or if it was okay to send him home with a new regimen of injectable blood thinners. Finally, they decided to send him home, but first they gave me a lecture about calling 9-1-1 if he has any of a number of symptoms. Believe me, guys, I do not need any encouragement to call 9-1-1. Because of my job, I know about too many instances of people who have died from throwing a clot after surgery. Sometimes too much knowledge can be a bad thing, but at least I won't be shy about calling 9-1-1.

But now I'm worried and it's hard to relax. Last night, I kept listening to him breathe while he slept, so I didn't sleep very well.

He still needs me to help him with a lot of normal day-to-day activities, and to drive him everywhere, post-op appointments, ultrasounds for the blood clot, physical therapy, etc. So I've only been working part-time...which is fine, because I'm allowed to use sick leave to take care of him, and I have plenty of sick leave saved up. Still, I feel guilty about not being at work my normal hours. Then again, I'm grateful for the time off, and the wonderful medical facilities to give him the best care.

Anyway right now I just feel out of sorts, like life will never be back to normal. I know logically that this is not true, but emotionally I'm a bit worn out.

I just need to keep in mind that this too shall pass.

It's a Beautiful (but Strange) Day in the Neighborhood

What a gorgeous day today! I took B to the park this morning first thing, and there were lots of people and dogs, so he had a great time.

Then I cooked breakfast for Hub. I cooked fried eggs and...wait for it...they were PERFECT. Perfect as to how he likes them, that is. He likes them runny, and the first batch were a little overcooked, which is why those ended up on my own plate. I do learn from my mistakes. This cooking thing is getting to be less daunting every day. But I'm starting to worry that Hub will think he doesn't need to get back into that kitchen. And he certainly does. (This is not one of my eggs, but they looked just like this.)

Another beautiful thing today…I weighed myself and I've lost 4 lbs since I last weighed on March 5. Wow! I skipped weighing in last Saturday, because after all the stress surrounding Hub's surgery, I was eating kind of crappy and was afraid the scale would show a gain. (I'm such a chicken when it comes to bad news.) So I really don't know exactly when this all came about, if it was gradual or just a quick plummet. Who cares, I am very happy. I just need to lose 2 more lbs to be back where I was during the summer, when I was at my lowest weight in years. Then 2 more lbs after that, at which point I'll just need to maintain. (I'll be at 160 which is a perfect weight for me.)

I had been planning for my cheat day all week, and mid-morning I had a donut that I bought yesterday specifically to eat today. It was weird when Hub saw me eating it, because he got all upset about how "compulsive" I was being. What??? 4HB says I should eat whatever I want on my cheat day, and I wanted a donut. One donut! What should I have had instead? I asked him. I don't know, how about another piece of toast...just not a donut, he said.

But I didn't want another piece of toast...I wanted a freaking donut!!! Geesh, talk to the hand, buddy. This was just a very strange conversation, because Hub has also read 4HB and knows what it says about cheat day. Yet, there he was, being all sanctimonious, I guess because since having surgery he's not wanted to eat any sweets or crap. Okay, he can do whatever he wants, but why should I feel guilty about that donut? I have had to dismiss the conversation from my mind, because I'm doing exactly what the book says. Hub is still taking pain meds, so I wonder if the meds are messing with his mind? I also think that donuts used to be one of his trigger foods, so maybe that bothered him.

This whole discussion took away a little of the joy I felt initially about losing 4 lbs, but then I went and tried on 3 pairs of size 10 jeans that I had put away when I gained the 10 lbs. They all fit so I felt better again.

Well, that's about it for now. I'm really enjoying how light it stays now that daylight savings time has kicked in. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Saturday!

Happy St. Patrick's Day…Guess What! I Cooked Irish Stew!

I can't believe I actually made something that turned out great! I got an idea this morning that I wanted to make something special for St. Patrick's Day for my Hub. He didn't want corned beef because of the sodium, so I found a recipe for low carb Irish Stew.

Here's the picture from the website:
Mine isn't nearly as pretty...I think the recipe picture was taken before all the ingredients melded together. So, here's mine:Even though it's not pretty like the recipe picture, it was delicious! I bought only 4 lamb chops instead of 8 (they were super expensive) and I used low-sodium chicken stock instead of vegetable stock. I also added some carrots even though they are not in the recipe (although they are in the recipe picture).

Hub (Mr. Gourmet Chef) loved it! I know he wasn't just being nice, because it was very flavorful and quite lovely. The best part is I had a lot of fun in the kitchen, which is a totally new experience for me.

Anyway, today has been a really a good day.

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My husband is doing great. He is back to almost his normal self. He told me he likes having me around in the morning (I've been staying home to help him in the morning). And it has been nice to sleep in a bit, and take care of him (get him breakfast and medication, help him with his compression stockings and the CPM machine, etc). I feel as if we have gotten a lot closer because of the surgery.

B also is in heaven that I'm home, and we've been going to the park every morning.

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Another wonderful day was Tuesday. I had such a fantastic meet up with Roxie and Diana. You can see a picture of us on Diana's blog. (I love this picture!)

As I waited in the lobby of Roxie's hotel, I wondered if I would recognize her. But I knew her right away from her blog, and she recognized me even though she's never seen pictures of me (since I don't post pictures of me on my blog). We hugged and talked for a few minutes, then Diana showed up. Then we all hugged, and it was like we'd known each other for years! It was like a reunion, even though we'd never met each other before.

We went across the street and had lunch at Palomino's. (We each had almost the same thing...salad, ice tea or diet Coke, no bread and no dessert...lol) We laughed and talked...and laughed and talked some more for almost 2 hours. We talked about the things that we have revealed on our blogs, and we also found out some new things about each other. It was an incredible experience. I felt so comfortable, which is unusual for me, because both of these ladies know my deepest secrets and insecurities already from reading my blog. Still, they accepted me so I didn't feel like I had to put on an act. I don't have a sister, but it was what I imagine being with sisters would feel like. I love you both, Diana and Roxie. Thank you for being just like I hoped you would be.

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Today the weather was beautiful. All the trees are starting to bloom. I love it. Spring is here, finally. Tomorrow is my normal day off. And even though I haven't been in the office much this week, I'm looking forward to my "day off." I'm finding I love being home with my hub and my dog and doing things for my hub. I never would have expected THAT!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

P.S. Diana, wishing you the best in your Big Climb! Roxie, I hope the rest of your time in Washington is pleasant...I'm so happy we finally are having some decent weather!