This and that...

So far I haven't called Mary.  I do wish I had her email so I could send her the information about Beth without having to talk to her…but I don't have her email.  Oh, well, I'm still thinking about what to do.

I spent Friday with my mother, and her memory is getting very bad.  She has also developed an annoying habit of constantly asking me if she is getting on my nerves. (Is that what's called self-fulfilling prophecy?)  I repeatedly told her that she's not getting on my nerves, but she kept asking again and again.  I finally told her...Yes, Mother, you ARE getting on my nerves by asking me over and over whether you are getting on my nerves!  Then, we laughed about it a bit, but I can see this is going to get worse as time goes on.  As usual, we'll have a family get together on Easter, and it will be fraught will tension, because I'll just be waiting until she gets mad about...whatever.  It will probably be something stupid, like last time...she didn't like one of the desserts, but I thought it was good....so she very indignantly declared that she has a right to her opinion, and left the dinner table in a snit.  Fun times.

The weather has been beautiful, I spent Saturday working in the yard.  So much to do!  After I took Buster to the park on Sunday, he got his spring/summer haircut.  "The Haircut" is always a big ordeal, as he is very uncooperative (he turns into a rag doll, won't stand up, just generally a big baby).  But he was getting too uncomfortable to walk much, because he would be too hot with his big fur coat…and he was getting so furry that he looked like a big puff ball.  Now you can see how handsome he is and he's very perky now when he goes to the park.  So even though he hates the haircut, he seems to enjoy the feeling of being fur-free. 

Before...Mr. Fuzzy

After...Mr. Clean

(Buster takes the worst pictures.  The minute any camera comes out he turns into a whipped pup...you'd think we were beating him.)

Right now Hub is watching Bizarre Foods, which is just disgusting.  I can't even describe what they are eating without wanting to puke.  So I guess it's time to go to bed. 

Advice please

I’m wondering what to do about a situation that has come up.  I’m thinking about it a lot, so I guess you could say I’m struggling a bit. This is a rather long drawn out story, so I hope you'll bear with me. 

Background:

When I started with my department in 1988, I worked with a woman (I’ll call her Mary) who had been with the department since 1980.  Mary had some emotional issues...she was nice most of the time, but she could be a bit paranoid.  She often thought people were against her or didn’t like her.  But she and I got along fine, and I considered her a friend.

Around 1996, another woman came to work with us (I’ll call her Beth), and Mary and Beth hit it off.   They became extremely close, actually the three of us would do a lot of stuff together.  However, Beth had many emotional issues herself and was a bit unreliable.  Turned out she was not suited for the job, and she ended up leaving our department after about a year.  Since she and I were friends too, we stayed in touch, although sometimes it was hard because she could be so flaky.

In 1998, a supervisory position opened up in our department, and several people applied for it, including Mary and me.  It was a competitive process involving testing, interviews, etc.  Mary thought that since she had been with the department longer, she should get the job.  Instead, I was offered the position.

Mary was devastated and angry at everyone, but especially me.  She felt that she deserved the position, but for some reason I was being shown favoritism.  She told me that I must have done something unethical to get the position.  She even implied that I had … uh…used my feminine wiles to get the job.   Which was ridiculous, but as I said, she could be paranoid.  From that time on, she gave me the silent treatment.  She would only respond to me when necessary, and then in very terse terms.  Yes, no, etc.  She didn’t work for me, so for the most part I could avoid having to deal with her directly; but our cubicles were right next to each other, and the negative energy emanating from her caused me a great amount of stress.  Sometimes I could even hear her talk about me on the phone, and she wasn't even careful about whether I could hear what she was saying.  She'd say things like "...it's too bad you can't trust someone you thought was your friend."  I don't know who she was talking to, but it was pretty obvious she was talking about me.  This went on for two years until Mary retired in 2000.  She moved to the other side of the state and we had no contact after that.  That was just fine with me...I was just so relieved to not be subjected to her moods.

I still had contact with Beth, but it was pretty sporadic.  She lived near me, so we would occasionally walk our dogs together.  She was still off-and-on friends with Mary too, and Beth would tell me how Mary was still furious with me, how I had stabbed her in the back, and what an awful person I was.  

In 2008, Beth moved (without me even knowing) and I had no idea what had happened to her.  She didn’t answer emails or phone calls. I never could figure out where she went, but had heard rumors that she had moved to Oregon. 

Fast forward to 2011. Beth passed away unexpectedly at the age of 58, officially of a heart attack, but who knows...   Unbeknownst to me, turned out she had been living in an apartment not too far from my office.  I was on vacation at the time she died, so I didn’t hear about it until I got back from vacation, by that time the funeral was over.  Since we weren’t close anymore, I wasn’t really too upset and didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it.

Fast forward again to yesterday.  I got a voice message from Mary who said she had been trying to get in touch with Beth, and when she was looking on line trying to locate her, she saw that Beth had passed away in 2011.  In her voice mail, she sounded very upset and wanted to know what had happened and asked me to call her.

So, after such a long drawn out story, my question is…What should I do?  Her call has brought up some strong feelings about how she treated me.  Should I call and tell her what happened to Beth and just leave it at that?  Or do I bring up, 14 years later, how cruel she was to me?  Or do I just chalk it up to her emotional instability and let bygones be bygones?

Any thoughts or input would be appreciated. 

The Evils of Sugar…DUH!

I know all about you, sugar.  I know you are not my friend.  I used to binge on sugar and then purge.  Now, if I eat too much, you make me feel weird, shaky, weak.

Since I've cut out almost all sugar in the past few weeks, I've been feeling great.  When I do eat a little sugar (like a teaspoon of lemon curd in my Greek yogurt), the effect is minimized because of the protein in the yogurt.  Or on Saturday night, when I have a bowl of ice cream (I allow myself one small to medium size bowl per week), it's after I've eaten dinner.  So, I'm not obsessive when it comes to eliminating sugar, but I try to be very moderate and careful when it comes to how and when I eat it. Because I know better, and I know how my body reacts to too much. 

Yesterday, I packed my regular food for the day (Greek yogurt, two pieces of chicken, a Quest bar, and a salad), and on the way to work I drank a big bottle of water with fresh lemon, currently my normal breakfast beverage.  (I don't…can't…usually eat until around 9:30...the idea of food first thing in the morning makes me ill.)  I was feeling great and being very productive at work. 

Around 9 am, I ventured up to the front counter to pick up some plans.  And on one of the work tables there was...a huge box of donuts.  Not just any donuts...someone had brought in two dozen Top Pot donuts. 

I am and will always be a sucker when it comes to a Top Pot donut.  Top Pot is a local company that makes the best donuts in the world.  I can resist any other donut...Krispy Kreme, Dunkin, you name it...but not Top Pot donuts.  And very specifically…glazed old fashioned donuts.  I won't eat any other kind.  

As I gazed at the donuts, I was really hoping not to see "it."  But there it was…among all the other donuts in the box was one glazed old fashioned.  I looked at it, it looked back (I swear)...but then I turned and I walked away to the front counter and picked up the plans.  But on my way back, as I passed by, I looked at it again…and then I took it.  And I ate it, and I savored it, and I enjoyed it.

And then I felt like shit.  Not guilty, or emotionally like shit.  I've learned I can indulge in something I like occasionally without feeling like I'm a failure or a bad person.  But physically, I felt horrible.  Because I had eaten the donut on an empty stomach, the sugar started coursing through my veins, and I immediately started to feel shaky.  I had to go into a meeting right then, so I sat in there having hot flashes.  When I had to speak to the group, I felt very insecure and almost fearful that I was going to say something stupid.  My voice quaked and sounded kind of raspy.  I noticed I was even having minor heart palpitations.  

When the meeting was over, I ate a piece of the chicken I had brought, hoping to feel better.  But it was too late.  The damage was done.  The rest of the day, I found myself feeling distracted and irritable.  Not only that, I was craving more sugar, and found myself eating a few pieces of candy from the candy dish on someone's desk.  Then at home, although I had a wonderful (healthy) dinner, I was still famished.  I wanted sugar….more sugar.  Sugar, Sugar, SUGAR!  Grrrrrr!  It was as if there was a monster inside me.

That was the absolute best illustration and reminder that sugar and I are really not compatible.  I hope to never again feel the way I felt yesterday…and the great thing is, this is totally within my control.   In a way, I'm almost glad it happened.  I start thinking I am "normal" and this was a stark reminder to me that I'm not normal, at least not when it comes to sugar.   

Lesson Learned!