Where to start…
Today was another crazy busy day, but I’m home now and watching last night’s episode of BL. Hubby made green chili enchiladas with low carb tortillas for dinner. Oh, it looks like Blaine got the boot. He seemed to want it, so that’s okay. I’m glad the Brown Team made it through. I find it difficult to believe Aubrey only lost 1 lb…boy was Jillian pissed or what?
I had my first visit with the therapist this morning. I think this is going to be a very good experience. Within 5 minutes of sitting down with her, I was crying like a baby. WHEW!
The first session was 90 minutes, and it was mostly her getting to know me. She asked really good questions and made some observations that were right on. I had about 4 “aha” moments, which were pretty amazing. Yes, my fear of the mirror is indicative of BDD (body dysmorphic disorder). My “problems” definitely stem from having an anorexic mom with alcoholic tendencies, who constantly criticized me for my appearance and weight. She would withhold love and not speak to me for days when she was angry at me, which was often and usually for no reason that a small child would be able to understand. And I learned a new term today…childhood emotional trauma (CET)
Not to over dramatize my early childhood experiences, but CET is basically a form of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and BDD is pretty common under those circumstances. Got all those acryonyms figured out? :-)
Hey, this all sounds so depressing and pathetic, but I feel so good right now! I’m not crazy! Or, maybe I am but at least I have a reason to be…lol. So I have another appointment next week, and I'm excited about it.
Continuing on the positive side, I walked after work for 45 minutes, and stuck with my food program.
Yes, I am emotionally exhausted right now and I just want to go to bed. But I wanted to share this with you all, because the comments and insights and encouragement I got from you helped me take this very important first step towards healing what's inside my head.
So right now, I want to apologize that I haven't had the time or energy in the last few days to catch up with everyone's blog or make any comments. I'll try to do that in the next day or two. My experience today has made me realize how important and helpful commenting is. You never know when that one comment you make might change someone's life.
Have a great evening, bloggers! I love you guys!
Sounds like a wonderful session ! I think one of the best things we can do for ourselves it finding the right tool for our needs, and then applying it to our lives. Not everyone loses weight by just changing the way we eat and move. For many of us it means changing our relationship or even ratio of food intake.May your healing begin and bring you to the place you desire to be at !
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to read how your session went - it certainly sounds like even just having the therapist confirm some of your issues has helped. Way easier to fight a devil we know the name of!
ReplyDeleteAnd to keep that good feeling going with a 45 minute walk - genius!!
I'm so happy to hear you're getting some insight into your feelings. Willingness to learn/understand what makes us the way we are is a big step forward. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYou are not sounding depressing, pathetic or crazy to me. I understand what your talking about. I'm glad the session went well. I'm so proud you are willing to visit these issues with someone who can help you. I think your very brave.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to know you've had some insight in to the reason you may feel the way you do. That is all good. Understanding the why of something is the way to change a behaviour. Good for you in taking this step to better understanding yourself.
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