Back to Semi-Normal

I’m feeling much better after my sickness during my vacation.  In fact, I’m pretty much back on track with my workouts and eating.

Tuesday was my first real workout with my trainer Steve after being on vacation and sick.  When I walked in the door of the gym, he said “Welcome back, Champ!”  It turned out I had won the Holiday Challenge, basically just a challenge to keep people active for 6 weeks surrounding Thanksgiving.  I won a $100 gift card!  In this case, I won for highest average MEP’s (MyZone Effort Points) during a workout.

I didn't mention here before that I had been seeing a cardiologist  for my AFib and she had me wearing a  heart monitor for week in early November.  This is the thing that they glue to your chest, and when you feel any heart symptoms, like fluttering or skipped beats, you push a button.  During the week I was wearing it, I was supposed to go about my normal business, including working out.  I really didn’t have many AFib symptoms except ONCE while I was on the treadmill, I felt my heart start jumping and so I pushed the button.  Then it calmed down right away so I kept working out, still it stuck in my mind so that I remembered later.

So when I looked at the stats and saw I had my max heart rate had been 189 (which is unusually high), I jokingly said to Steve “I’ll bet that max HR was when I was having AFib.”  Sure enough I checked later, and it was!

So I texted Steve along with a screen shot of that workout...

We've been working out together for almost 5 years, and I love this guy so much, he's like a brother to me.  Not only is he the best trainer ever, we have identical senses of humor when it comes to things that could be serious, but also we don’t take ourselves too seriously.

That said, on a truly serious note, turns out my AFib is getting to be a more regular occurrence (happens with age, I guess) so my cardiologist wants me to take a blood thinner.  She gave me Xarelto which I took for a week but I HATED it.  I felt like I was being poisoned.  So she prescribed Eliquis which I haven't started taking yet because I have a medical procedure scheduled for early January and the instructions say to stop taking blood thinners for a week beforehand.  I'm still not sure I even want to take it, maybe I'll just keep taking aspirin.  I guess it's a gamble, but I really don't have any other risk factors.  And my coronary artery calcium scan score was ZERO, which means I have no plaque in my arteries. 

Anyway, it's something to ponder over the holidays.   

Best Laid Vacation Plans

The day after Thanksgiving, my husband and I both started to get head colds.  

I tried to beat it by using Zicam and other cold medicines.  My symptoms remained mild, so I thought I had succeeded.  But then Saturday, when we were  supposed to fly to Palm Springs, I got a text first thing in the morning from Alaska Airlines that our flight had been cancelled due to the weather in San Francisco (high winds and rain). 

I started to try to figure out how to get to Palm Springs either later in the day or Sunday.  Of course, the weekend after Thanksgiving is the most traveled weekend in the year so I wasn’t having any luck.

About an hour after the first text, I got another text that the flight would now leave out of San Jose.  Yay, at least we were going but I had to figure out what it all meant.  We had to quickly pack and go to SFO to catch a shuttle to San Jose.  Shuttle turned out to be an Uber that was arranged for us by Alaska Airlines.  I will say that the staff at Alaska Airlines assistance was first rate and so helpful.  And I was very glad the we didn't have to get on a BUS to San Jose!  

It ended up working out fine, but I get very stressed over such things.  I’m sure that created an opportunity for my cold virus to kick into high gear.  By the time we got to Palm Springs, our colds were worse.  Over the course of 3 more days, my husband and I never left the condo we were using.

Then Tuesday night, I had an attack of Atrial Fibrillation that lasted about 2 hours.  Although I'm generally extremely healthy, I sometimes get AFib when if I’m sick or unduly stressed.  And now I have an App on my phone that can tell me if I'm really experiencing it and/or how bad it is.  Yup, it was bad. I felt like I had a fish flopping around in my chest. 

All those little red arrows are irregular beats, and the upper scratching is my heart rate changing between around 70 bpm to 150 bpm. 

My husband and I had just pulled into the ER parking lot, when it finally resolved on its own. At least we knew where the ER was, because oddly and coincidentally, the next night HE had an AFib attack and it didn’t resolve after 2 hours.  We ended up spending 5 hours in the ER and they had to give him an IV drug to get it to go back to normal rhythm.   Again, the ER staff was first class and he’s fine now but that was more stress, it was freezing in the ER and I think I got worn out. 

So the next morning, I was feeling really bad.  My husband said, why don’t we see if we can just go home early (rather than wait until Sunday).  I started looking to exchange our tickets when I got a call from my mom’s Adult Family Home that she was very sick with a UTI and might be on the verge of passing away.  I actually had to have the discussion with her doctor about what if she didn’t respond to antibiotics.

Enough said, we left that night and got home Thursday around midnight, exhausted.  I had told the dog sitter that we were coming home early so she had cleaned up to the best of her ability, but...she's not normally a very organized or tidy person.  She had turned the house into a doggie playland and didn't have a chance to regroup completely.  So our house was a mess.  But at that point, who cares?!?  At least we were home and I could be sick in my own bed! 

Friday morning, I felt terrible (sore throat, coughing, icky mucus, no voice).  I kept waiting to feel better, but I didn’t. I stopped in to see my mom, but I was afraid of passing on something to her in her weakened state, so I literally stayed 5 minutes and didn't touch her.  I don’t think she even knew who I was.

I ended up going to Urgent Care yesterday, turns out I had developed a sinus infection.  On antibiotics now, I’m finally feeling a bit better.  

As an update to my mom: She is in a very fragile state and any infection can cause her death.  Fortunately, they were able to get a urine sample and find a different kind of antibiotic to try.  So she has come back from the brink, she’s still very weak and can’t follow any commands, such as “eat” so she has to be fed.  Honestly, every time she has another one of these infections, she goes a little more down hill.  At some point, it will just be a matter of keeping her comfortable and not treating her.

The funny thing is, even thought this was a very unfortunate vacation, I’m so glad to be home and also so glad that my mom is in good hands.  So still thankful!

From the plane, a view of the mountains outside of Palm Springs...
this was the most "outdoors" we saw the whole time there

Thankful for My Life

On Tuesday afternoon, we flew down to San Francisco and will be staying a few days with my husband’s best friend of 50 years. 

Tuesday evening, we had dinner with friends and relatives at a favorite restaurant.  Yesterday afternoon, we went to the gym with our friend, and last night we had sushi for dinner.  This afternoon, we will be going for Thanksgiving dinner at our friend’s niece’s house. 

Tomorrow we’ll visit my husband’s brother, and then Saturday we’ll head to Palm Springs for a week for some sun and more relaxation. 

How lucky am I? 

Very.

My mother is now well cared in her Adult Family Home, for so that’s a lot of worry off my shoulders. 

The lady who stays with our dogs while we are gone is a good friend so no worries there either.   

I love that we can afford to travel and that we have fun places to go and friends in those places.

I love that I don’t hate my job (does that make sense? Lol) and that even if I did, I’ll be retiring in April. 

I have the best life.

So I’m thankful, very thankful.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Indulging my OCD

Getting my mom into an Adult Family Home has changed my life. 

Knowing that she is well cared for (even if her mind is mostly gone) has  freed me up both emotionally and physically. 

Since I'm not taking care of her all the time, I’ve been able to spend more time on my own self-care.  Oh, not the stupid “self care” that all the InStAgRaM InFlUeNcErS talk about endlessly...the Botox, the facials, the eyelashes, manicures, etc etc.

Who has time for that?  For me, self care means eating right, working out, getting enough quality sleep, making medical appointments, spending time doing the things I enjoy.

So what do I do for relaxation?

I indulge in my OCD tendencies.  After years of therapy and medication, my OCD isn't cured but it's managed.  So now when I clean, I actually enjoy it.  I organize. I rearrange.  I straighten up.  I “futz around” as my husband calls it.  Sometimes it makes him nervous, because he remembers how I used to be.  But now he sees that I'm enjoying what I'm doing and not cleaning because I'm stressed or distressed.  (It's kind of an inside joke for us "I can quit anytime I want!" but the truth is...now, I CAN.)   

Now that I don’t have so much on my mind, I can just go with the flow and enjoy the feeling of accomplishment one drawer, one box, ONE ROOM AT A TIME. 

I’ve started in the basement and over the last 2 months, I’ve gotten rid of so much stuff.  Yesterday, I started setting up my office downstairs.  I got to clean up an old desk in my husband’s office, and re-arrange the space my own tidy image.  

I love how my house and yard are looking really nice…  clean and tidy.  I feel so accomplished.  So now my OCD has become productive, relaxing therapy!  That’s progress.

Better and better

In the five weeks since I've moved my mom into the Adult Family Home, things have calmed down considerably!  She's started eating more, some of her skin issues are clearing up, and she's getting a bit stronger.  Even though she can't walk on her own, she can at least help me with transferring her to her wheelchair.    

I think it's a combination of just getting more one-on-one attention, and I also told her that if she didn't eat and get stronger, I couldn't take her to church because I was afraid I'd hurt myself or her.  It's hard to know exactly what gets through the fog of dementia into her brain, but church is very important to her so maybe that did.

The sad fact is that she has the mind of a 6 year old and literally no short term memory.  She can't take care of herself at all, has no awareness of her surroundings, and she needs 24 hour supervision.  But the home is a great one and I feel quite secure and relieved that she is there.  At least she does know who I am, which is good.  Now I feel like when I go to visit her, it's just that, a visit.  I'm not there to make sure she's okay or to handle problems that have cropped up because of lack of supervision or care.  Now we can just visit and talk and I can be her daughter, rather than her caregiver.  

The best part is, if she needs medical attention, they have a doctor who is on call.  She's my mom's personal physician now.  I no longer have to take her anywhere to get tested or treated.

For example, a few days ago, the caregiver noticed that my mom woke up in the morning with one eye red and irritated.  The caregiver sent the doctor a photo, then the doctor gave some recommendations for hot compresses and wrote a prescription for an antibiotic ointment.   Mom's eye is fine now.  If it had become necessary, the doctor would have actually come to visit her. 

In the past, I would have had to try to get her into her primary care physician, or take her to the ER.  But first, someone at her assisted living would have had to NOTICE that her eye was red and then to think to tell me.  So now problems get addressed much more quickly.   

As for myself, I've been able to get back into my workout and diet routine.  Back to 4 days a week with my trainer, then on my own for 2 other days a week.

It's also amazing that when I'm not stressed out, I can leave the licorice alone.  I haven't had any for at least 3 weeks.  Yeah!  That really goes for carbs in general.  When I'm at peace, it's easier to forgo the white sugar and flour.

My husband and I are going to the ocean this weekend for the first weekend of this season's RAZOR CLAMMING!  I'm pretty excited as we haven't been to our condo there for several months.   It's always relaxing and fun, no matter what we do when we are there.  Now that my mom is in a good place, I'm not worried about leaving her for a few days, and I don't feel guilty either.  So...Wish us luck catching those darn clams!  

For your enjoyment, here's a photo of the tree lined Parkway that I drive on every day to and from work.  This was taken a few days ago, before the big storm we are having today. 

Living with Dignity

Once again, sorry I haven't been around lately.  I've started several posts, but then I get overwhelmed and never finish.

My mom is not well.  Ever since she broke her leg, it's been downhill.

As I shared briefly, she got out of rehab but back at her assisted living facility, I had to hire a service for someone to stay with her 24 hours a day.  Basically a baby sitter, although a super expensive one.  I thought it was going to be a temporary situation "until she got better" and could go back to being on her own.  But that didn't seem to be happening.

Then she got the bladder infection.  We did get that taken care of, but since then she continued to go downhill. She honestly didn't remember most of the people at her Assisted Living facility.  And the piecemeal attention she was getting just didn't satisfy me that it was the best solution.

I finally made the decision that she needed to be in an Adult Family Home, and to have a high level of attention 24 hours a day.  I was lucky enough to only have to visit 3 homes (one BAD, one very elegant but not homey, and finally the one I chose just had a good feel to it).

As you can imagine, moving her there was very stressful.  There was so much paperwork and a nurse assessment and lots of arrangements to make.  Then the morning of the move, I literally just didn't even tell here where we were going.  We just drove up to the home, and I told her the people in this place were going to help her get stronger (which honestly was my hope at the time, so I didn't feel like I was lying).  Amazingly, she said she was just fine with that and adjusted within 2 days. The first day there, she'd already forgotten where she lived before.

Then there was moving the rest of her belongings out of the Assisted Living facility, giving a lot of stuff away, and figuring out what to do with what was left. I took a few sentimental pieces for myself and my brother. 

Things have finally settled down, but she continues to decline.  She literally cannot walk at all anymore, in fact she can barely stand.  She is incontinent, and other than meals (during which she eats very little) and occasional activities and visits from me, she sleeps all day.  I don't know how much longer she has but I do know this...she is in the best possible place.

The people who run the home shower her with loving attention and look out for her best interests.  If she needs pain medication, she gets it right away.  If there is a problem, I find out about it immediately.  They have their own doctor who comes by to check on the residents, so this is my mother's new doctor.  No more having to drag her to a doctor's office or the ER.  If she needs medication, the doctor can order it.   Today we talked about applying for hospice care, and we changed her POLST to basically "comfort treatment only." I know she doesn't want to linger if something happens.

My brother decided things were serious enough that my nephew, who lives in California and hasn't been home for 5 years, needed to come see his grandma.  He came in this afternoon, and my brother warned him that she probably wouldn't know who he was.  I haven't heard how the visit went.  I'll find out tomorrow as we are having dinner with them.

One happy outcome of this move is that my mother now has a new best friend (she's already forgotten her other friends).  My mom is 89 (almost 90) and her new friend is 92 and is still pretty sharp.  She calls my mother her little sister, and they are adorable together.  They play cards and laugh and  have meals together.

At this stage, it's the little things

In spite of everything, my mother still has a good sense of humor and loves to joke around.  I took her to church on Sunday, but it was hard.  She only weighs about 120 lbs, but she is dead weight to transfer from the car to her wheelchair.  It was raining, I had parked the car (lucky to find a handicapped spot), got the wheelchair out of the back, and put it next to her door.  Then I physically moved her with some difficulty to the wheelchair (thank heavens I work out) and covered her head with my scarf so she wouldn't get wet.  After I locked the car and I finally started wheeling her on into the church, she joked "So is this your penance?"  We both laughed. 

So, at this point, it's just day to day.  She may surprise us and rebound, but I'm not counting on it.  The main thing is she is safe, and comfortable, and is being treated with dignity and respect.  I think that's all any of us can hope for when we are at this stage of life.  

Another Sanity Challenge

Well.  No sooner did I express my aversion to hospitals...

This morning, my mother's physical therapist called me to tell me that mother's caregiver told her that she thought my mother had a urinary tract infection.  (Did you follow that?)  Because my mother needed to repeatedly get up in the night and nobody got any sleep.

*Sigh*

I talked to my mom, but she had no clue what I was talking about.  But the evidence was there...wet sheets, wet underwear, many trips to the bathroom...

So I called her primary care physician to make an appointment, but we couldn't get in.  They suggested we go to an Urgent Care facility, but they didn't have one to recommend.

(Gee, thanks for the advice.)

I called the Hospital Emergency Room, where she had just been a few weeks earlier for her leg.  I asked, "Do you think we should go to an Urgent Care facility or to the ER?" 

"You can go anywhere you want, but if you come here (ER) we will be able to do everything that might be needed (labs, etc)."

So off to ER we went.  It was a slow afternoon, so we walked in the door and within 5 minutes we had a half dozen nurses and doctors jumping on her case.

They already had her history on the computer so the questions were pretty basic.  Then, because she really doesn't have the mental wherewithal to provide a good urine sample in order to get a clean catch, they did an "in and out" catheterization.

They sent the sample it to the hospital lab.   

Diagnosis 30 minutes later:  A bad UTI.

Within 90 minutes, we had our antibiotics and were on our way back to her Assisted Living facility.

So she only had time to ask me 10 times why we were at the ER.  LOL.

Lesson learned for us (at least when it comes to my mother)...don't waste time with Urgent Care.  For the average person with a cut or nosebleed, Urgent Care is probably just fine.   But when it comes to my mother and her issues, I doubt Urgent Care would have been able to do a catheterization nor would they have been able to get the lab results so quickly.  And if it had been something more serious, the ER could have admitted her to the hospital.

(We actually kind of learned this lesson with Buster...if it is something potentially serious, which it almost always was, don't bother with a regular vet, take him to Emergency.)

I'm home now, glad to be here, and hanging out with my husband and dogs.

I need to take advice from Jenny.

HEY, DON'T WORRY...RELAX!

The Art of Maintaining My Sanity

What a weird trip the last few months have been!

After my mother fell and broke her leg, she spent a few days in the hospital, then was in a rehabilitation facility for about 6 weeks. 

Suffice it to say that the biggest problem she has now is NOT her leg.  It is her brain.  Her Alzheimers seems to have gotten significantly worse in the span of two months, which I don’t really understand because (as my husband says) “she didn’t fall on her head.”

In fact, at rehab, she was a star in physical therapy.  But because she was in a new facility, it became apparent that she literally cannot learn anything new.  I mean ANYTHING.

Like, “Use your red button to call the nurse when you need help to get to the bathroom.”

She never learned that.

She also could never remember why she was in the hospital or rehab.  You could tell her a dozen times in the span of a 20 minute visit, but she would continue to ask.

Plus she has flights of fantasy about what she can do…she thinks she can walk without help, use the bathroom, get dressed...yes, she could do all those things before she fell, but not now!  And while she knows who I am (probably because I visit almost every day), half the time she doesn’t know who my brother is. 

So fortunately, finally her leg was well enough for her to be discharged.  She's still in a wheelchair a lot but also can use a walker a bit.  But she forgets she cannot just get up and walk around!  So this meant that she couldn’t go back to her normal living situation in her Assisted Living facility, where she was basically pretty independent.  I couldn’t leave her alone, for fear she would fall again.  But I also didn’t want to move her out of the life she at least kind of knows.

So I’ve hired a service to provide 24 hour supervision.  Now, she’s back "home", with essentially a full time babysitter in her tiny studio.   She doesn’t remember a lot of her friends there, but she still loves to play bingo and penny poker.  At least for now, she’s safe and cared for, but I don’t know if this is a long term solution, mostly because it is SO expensive.  Right now I'm just playing it by ear, trying to figure out what's best for her. 

Anyway, as you can imagine, my own life was a bit in turmoil.

In between all the doctors' appointments, CareTeam meetings, arranging for the caregiver service, and visiting her every day, meanwhile also trying to work at my job as much as possible, I can proudly say that I always worked out at least 3 days a week with my trainer.  That was very helpful to managing my stress.

But my food…whew.  That was another story. "OF COURSE," stress and turmoil automatically means I eat crap.  I got back heavy into the licorice and ice cream, and just generally eating too much.  (All the things I crave now are foods my mother would not let me have as a child, because I was "too fat."  OMG, could my food foibles be any more clichéd?)

I have no idea how much weight I've gained, but my skinny jeans are super snug.  I'm going to guess I'm back up to 175.  Well, maybe not quite that much, but at least the low 170's.   I'll weigh after a few days off the sugar.     

At least now that things are under control with my mom, I can ease back into eating right.   Today was the first day I did that.  The biggest thing was today I didn’t eat any of my normal comfort foods.

In my book that’s a victory.

Anyway, I apologize that I have not been around much to read and comment on all your blogs, but I promise...I'm back!

ETA:  I was just getting ready to post this two days ago, but I wanted to proofread first.  Then I got distracted...and then my husband had surgery this morning on his foot, which he injured about a month ago by tripping on a curb.

Das Boot

So we got home a bit ago, and I am hanging out with him while he sleeps in his chair.  I woke him up and asked him if it was okay to leave for a few minutes (to visit my mom) and he said "No, not until this is over."  I have no idea what that means.  I think it's the drugs, but I'm sticking around.

Between my mother and my husband, I am so tired of hospitals.

Anyway, today is day 3 of no licorice and no ice cream, and to be honest, I'm dying!  I want a fix so bad, probably due to the stress and boredom.

I have both in the house (bought a week ago), but I've made up my mind that I will not have any.  I suppose I could throw them away but right now I want to see if I can be strong and resist.

Actually, I am looking at all of what's happened lately as a challenge to maintain my sanity.  I don't feel too crazy, yet...so far so good!   

Onward and Upward!

Everything was Business as Usual...Until It Wasn't

Summer Solstice came and went.  It was a crappy, cold, windy day (not atypical of Seattle) and so my girlfriend and I barely left her condo.  We kind of looked over the railing at the goings on.  The parade wasn't as well attended as usual because of the weather. We watched a lot of TV and I was introduced to shows I'd never seen before (90 Day Fiance, Dr Pimple Popper, and sMothered...all gross in their own way)

I'm not one to just sit around, though, so I finally ventured out by myself just to shake off the boredom.  The event is in a very hippie dippie neighborhood, so it had the usual booths of handmade jewelry and ceramics, vegan and CBD products, tie dyed stuff, and "fair fare."  I bought some red licorice (for me) and some fudge (to take home the next day for my husband).  Pretty exciting.  Not.

The only thing worthy of a photo was this cute display of succulents in front of a plant store.

This is a Volkswagen...so are the succulents in the boot? Or in the engine compartment?

Diet for the day was junk food, so I ate potato chips.  Lots and lots of chips.  I went a bit crazy, I think mostly because I don’t normally get those things at home (we just don’t allow them in our house unless we are having a party, and then all leftover chips go home with someone).

As a result of all that salt, my right ankle and foot swelled up.  This is the ankle I sprained badly years ago, and it is still very sensitive to any aggravating factor.  Especially because normally I eat pretty cleanly and my system has no idea how to handle junk.  When I worked out for the next week, my shoe was so tight it hurt.  I had to keep loosening the laces.  Lesson learned…do not eat mass quantities of potato chips, or junk in general for that matter. 

Life continued on, 4^th of July came and went.  There weren't too many fireworks and both dogs handled the loud booms well.  I didn't drink a lot of alcohol nor eat a lot of crap.  We also had company for that week, which was fun.

In between all the fun stuff, life was normal...work, work out, visit mom, work, work out, take mom to appointments, work...

So I was busy and didn’t really get a chance to update my blog.  Business as usual. 

Then…last Friday, I got a call around 8:30 am.  The person calling had a heavy accent so she was difficult to understand.  She kept saying something about a scheduled surgery and a transfusion.  I asked, Are you sure you have the right number?  Finally she said Aren’t you Mary S’s POA?  Yes, I said.  Well, she is scheduled for surgery this afternoon to fix her broken leg. 

Holy crap, it was the hospital calling to ask my permission to give my mother a blood transfusion during surgery if necessary. 

Turns out, she had fallen in the night at her Assisted Living place.  She had broken her femur and was in the emergency room and had been there since 4 am.  Well, at least they did get her to the hospital, but neglected to call me to let me know.  Yikes.  Not the way you want to start your day.

So I headed on over to the hospital, there she was.  This was her x-ray.

 

Fortunately, amazingly, she didn't seem to be in a lot of pain, as long as she just lay still.  Unfortunately, with her Alzheimers, she just kept asking over and over, why are we here?  And during our stay there, she must have asked me a million times if I could help her get to the bathroom.  No, Mom, because you can’t be moved. 

Anyway, turned out we were in the ER until 6 pm that night when an operating room finally opened up and a surgeon was finally available to fix her leg.  The surgery went well. 

So the last week has been a flurry of activity, visiting her wherever she is (and she was moved 3 times in 3 days in the hospital), making medical decisions and arrangements (plus still trying to work as much as possible).  She’s now in a skilled nursing facility.  They've had to move her twice because she keeps trying to get out of bed, so now she's right across the hall from the nurse's station.  But I think she is finally realizing what happened.  This afternoon she told me, my leg hurts!  I asked, Do you know why?  She said, I broke my leg!   

To be honest, I don’t know her long term prognosis.  Her mind is extremely scattered, she’s not eating, and she’s not a very robust person anyway.  So I’m starting to wonder if she will ever be able to go back to her Assisted Living place. 

Anyway, I’m just kind of venting right now.  Getting old is not for sissies.   

Happy Summer Solstice!

Is there anything better than the longest day of the year?  Sun still shining at 9 pm and people out and about shopping, dining, etc.  In the middle of winter, I'm already getting ready for bed at 9 pm.

Tomorrow is the Solstice Parade in Fremont. 

My best friend recently moved back to the Seattle area after retiring in Palm Springs for several years.  She moved into an apartment in Fremont with a beautiful view that also looks down on the street where the parade takes place.  So my hub is going to take care of the pups and I'm going to spend the day and overnight with her and her daughter.  I've never been, so it should be so fun! 

I'll post some photos of the parade and festivities next week.

Have a great Summer!

 

I ate a healthy donut!

If I'm gonna eat a donut, it's got to be this kind

This week was stellar in terms of diet and exercise.

I worked out every day and ate healthy.  Even the donut I ate last night on the way home was healthy.

WHAT?  YOU ATE A DONUT?  That can't possibly be okay.  But it was.  In fact it was more than just okay. 

I have a history of eating disorders and donuts have always been one of my "struggle" foods.  So it's even more surprising that I can honestly describe that donut as "healthy." 

Yesterday, we did leg day at the gym and I almost died (but in a good way).  Then I ate well during the day, so early in the afternoon, I was feeling great.

But it was hot and muggy (in the 90's) and our office does not have air conditioning, and it started to get pretty uncomfortable around 3:30 pm.  I had a lot of work to get done, so I wasn't paying attention to water intake and I don't think I kept as hydrated I should have.  By the end of the work day around 6 pm, I was soooo tired and I had developed a slight headache.  (And I never get headaches.) Even though I downed some water, the headache persisted.

On the way home, I had to stop at the grocery store to get something for a recipe my husband was making for dinner.  As I entered the parking lot, I said to myself, "I have a headache and I think a donut will make it better."   Yes, I actually said that to myself.

I was listening to my body, and it told me I needed a donut.  There was no emotional component.  I didn't argue with myself over whether I would get fat if I ate the donut, or whether I deserved the donut because I had worked out hard that day.  I wasn't wanting a donut because I was sad or frustrated or angry. So I bought one old fashioned donut out of the bakery case.  (If they hadn't had that kind, I don't know what I would have bought instead.)

I ate that donut in my car on the way home and it really did help my headache.  Then at home, I ate a normal dinner, went to bed early, and this morning I felt great.

So that donut was healthy.  The amazing thing is I finally feel as if I am somewhat normalizing my relationship with food.  The bottom line for me is that it's OKAY to have a donut once in a while.

I hope that some day eating a donut will be so normal for me that I won't even have to write a blog post about it.   

Out with the Old

Update on my last post:  The bad news is I didn't stick to my IF schedule, because I would just get too hungry in the afternoon.  The good news is I haven't had any Scottie dogs in the afternoon, or any candy for that matter. When I got hungry, I'd eat some beef jerky, some apple slices, some pumpkin seeds, or something like that to tide me over until dinner.  So I guess that's a win.  

Earlier this week, I started thinking about all the clothes I have in a closet in the basement.  Clothes I haven’t worn for years, taking up space.  Suits and slacks and blazers, because when I wasn’t wearing my uniform, I used to have to dress up for work.  Now that I work in an offsite building and have different duties, for the most part no one sees me except coworkers.   I absolutely hate waistbands now, so I mostly wear leggings and tunics.
 

I asked my husband what he thought I should do with all those old clothes.  He said, get rid of it all!  So I spent the weekend looking through everything I haven’t worn in ages.  I ended up taking 3 huge boxes to Goodwill this morning.

The suits and slacks were from 10-15 years ago.  The pants were all wide legged and out of style!  Before I put them in the boxes, though, I did try on two pairs of the suit pants, size 10, and they fit.  So my waist size hasn’t really changed that much.  On the other hand, the blazers and jackets were too tight in the arms and across the back.  I also looked at a bunch of my fancy evening clothes, dresses and such. Again, some of the fitted tops and dresses just didn't fit right. It appears I'm more broad shouldered than I was just a few years ago, no doubt from lifting weights.

It felt good to get rid of all those old things that weren't right for me anymore, and I hope someone else will get some use from them.  It's really nice to have room in my closets to see what I have and to know that what's there is something I might actually wear.  Plus now there's room for new stuff (lol)!  
    

Yes, my waist is approximately the same size as 15 years ago.  But...as I’ve aged and I'm now 66, I definitely don’t have the "defined" waist line I used to have.    It's weird.  How can I still wear the same size pants but have (what appears to be) a thicker waist? 

The fact is, I have a layer of fat around my middle and it sticks out in front, and I hate it.  It's not really soft, it's kind of sturdy feeling, but it's definitely fat.  So I'm thicker around my middle.  I think it’s called visceral fat, and I have a lot more than I used to.  Thanks, Mother Nature!   My understanding is that as women age, hormonal changes cause belly fat to increase.  As much as I work out and eat right, it’s frustrating and in fact, visceral fat is a more dangerous type of fat.    I’m pretty good at disguising it, but I know it’s there even if no one else does. I would never have liposuction, so I guess I’m stuck with it.  

I know you can't "spot reduce," but has anyone had any luck with reducing their belly fat?  I need to be careful about getting too restrictive with myself, because that has its own dangers.  So I'm not sure that eating less or more exercise are the answers for me.  

But I'd be happy to add something more to my routine.  Any vitamins or supplements that might help?  Maybe less weight lifting and more cardio?  Any ideas?

No, this is not me. It is Marilyn Monroe, who was so beautiful and had a belly! I'd love to look like her. 

Buh Bye Little Scotties

Starting tomorrow, it's back to basics.  For me that means Intermittent Fasting and no sugar.

In spite of my best intentions, I've been slacking lately and eating a lot of garbage.  

So starting tomorrow, this is the plan:

During the week, I'll only have coffee and a light nutritious breakfast, which will provide me energy to help me workout at lunch time.  And then I won't eat anything until dinner.

So this isn't intermittent fasting (in the strictest sense of eating for 8 hours and fasting for 16), but I've been finding myself snacking in the afternoon at work.  And at lot of that snacking has been sugar-y stuff.

Black licorice Scottie Dogs have been my vice lately.  I've been getting them at Tuesday Morning.  I walk in to TM to buy towels for the guest room and walk out with several packages of Scotties.  I can't resist!  They are so cute and taste so good...and go down so easy.  Anyway, no more Tuesday Morning and no more Scotties.

So delicious but so dangerous!

So if I eat something nutritious in the morning, work out around noon, don't eat anything in the afternoon, and then eat dinner at night...that should work out to just about the right amount of calories for weight loss. 

In any case, it should take away the mindless afternoon eating.  No matter what, that will be a good thing.     

Whoops, and just like that it's almost Summer!

Is it May already?  It is?  I'm shocked and stunned.

Since we last visited, my husband sold his business on April 1 and is officially retired.  After that we went to Hawaii for a week, then we were home for a week, then we left again on a road trip to San Francisco for hub's 55th high school class reunion.

Hawaii was okay, but I really enjoyed the car trip to California.  We took our convertible, which is always fun and the weather was gorgeous most of the time.  We got to see some of hub's siblings as well as his best friend of many years, plus the reunion was good for his soul.  He is still close with many of his classmates.  Unfortunately, every reunion, there are fewer and fewer folks attending for obvious reasons. There is always a moment of silence after reading the list of classmates who have passed away in the last 5 years.  This year the list was quite long. 

We passed through Reno on the way home.  Our intent had to been to stay overnight, but I really didn't get a good feeling about the town so we kept driving and stayed in another small town further north.  As a result of that change in plans, we ended up driving a totally different way home, and so we were able to spend a few days at a hot springs lodge in Oregon.  It was lovely and quiet and not very expensive.  Our room looked directly out on the hot pool and the McKenzie River.  

View from our Room

The lodge was in the middle of nowhere and there was no TV or cell service!  But they did have internet "in the lobby" and since our room was directly above said lobby, we had internet in our room. I made my first cell phone call ever using internet.  I called my office and my co-worker said he could kind of hear me, but not great.  At least I know it can be done.  

There was lots of wine and beer drinking and dessert eating throughout the trip, which is always enjoyable.  However, it's not so great for the scale, which I have been avoiding since we got home about 10 days ago.  Getting back on track eating wise is hard!   It was good to get back to my office and my routine and my normal healthy lunches.  And I can also say I've been working out regularly again, 4 times this week so far! Plus gardening, planting tomatoes, and spring cleaning of my landscaping and yard.   

Speaking of cleaning up, I've had to start cleaning up after a raccoon who apparently spends quite a bit of time in the tree in front of our house.  I've not actually seen him, but our dog sitter has.  She said he growled at her and that he's quite large.  So are his poops, which he leaves in the crook of the tree every day.  YUCK.   

Yuck Pooey! 😒

He's also not a fan of some of my yard art.  I spend a lot of time curating my yard and I had a little fake nest with paper mache eggs that I put under one of my Japanese maple trees.  Every morning for 3 days, it had been tossed into the driveway.  As if to say BITCH NOT FOOL ME NOT REEL EGGYS!  I'd put it back under the tree, but he'd do it again in the night.  The last time, he tore it apart and ripped out one of the eggs.  Fine, you win, nasty wild animal.  The nest was wrecked so it went into the trash.  

This is what it looked like before he had a temper tantrum.

See the little nest behind the glass mushrooms?  It was so cute😍

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make this beast go away?  I'm not only disgusted by the poop but I'm also a bit concerned about my dogs getting in a confrontation with him.  I've been researching raccoon repellent, which usually involves hot sauce and/or vinegar, but I'd be interested in anyone's experience with raccoons.

Because our yard is not fenced, I do keep my dogs on a leash whenever they are outdoors.  This is mostly because there are lots of wild animals around our house.  My little 6 lb yorkiepoo is a fearless hunter and will take on any animal she sees, which could be a disaster.  It's the terrier in her and she turns mindless aggressor when she sees a wild animal.  Along with the raccoon, there are eagles, Canadian geese, deer, coyotes, beavers, nutria, and otters.  But even if it's just a bunny or a squirrel, she would chase it wherever it goes, which includes the busy road up our  driveway.  So...Miss Jennie is always always always on a leash when outdoors.

Jennie the killer YorkiePoo

   Anyway, time to take pups to the park.  Onward and upward.  

      

This is what SMUG gets you

A gain of 5 lbs.

I start thinking I'm invincible when it comes to gaining weight.  After all, I didn't gain weight during the holidays!  How special is that!?!

But during February, I lost control.  Well, not really "LOST" control, I just stopped paying attention.

After all, there was Valentine's Day, the long weekend for Presidents Day, my birthday, a big snowstorm, travel to California for a funeral.  Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Lots of excuses to eat stuff I don't normally eat and to not work out as much.   Lots of licorice, Good and Plenty, and Sour Patch Kids.  (You can keep your chocolate...just give me all that straight sugar crap candy.)  Eating out for my birthday several times with different friends.  Having my cake and eating it too.

Thank heavens it was a short month!!! 

Late in February, I noticed my skinny jeans were snug and were making me feel not so skinny.  So I weighed myself on March 1.  I was back up to 173.5.  Aaargh!  Those 5 lbs that took me 3 months to lose only took me a month to gain back. 

This week, I'm back on track.  I worked out 5 days this week, cut out the sugar (SO HARD TO DO), and just generally cleaned up my act.  The weather has improved, so there's that too.

I already feel better.  

We are going to Hawaii on April 3 for 10 days, so I hope to be down to 163 (my goal weight) by then.

I'm looking outside and it's a gorgeous day.  Still cold (33 degrees) but it is warming up nicely.

Little ducks all in a row, enjoying the sunshine

Spring appears to be Springing right now!  So I'm going to take the dogs for a walk and enjoy it.  After all, this is Seattle and it could start raining any second! 

Holy Crap, it's 2019

I can’t believe it’s almost a month into 2019!  

Things are going well.  I’m still working full time, although my duties have changed slightly.  For the past several years, I've been just in the office doing computer work.  About a month ago, due to our office being very short staffed, I was asked to also do some new construction inspections as necessary.  So I'm basically back doing what I did when I first started in our department 30 years ago. I do like it, as long as the weather is not too nasty.  I enjoy the interaction with contractors and the fresh air. 

Monday, my husband will be discussing selling his business with a gentleman who has been interested for several years.  They’ve been doing the “dance” around what it’s worth, etc.  I think they are getting close to an agreement.

Once the deal is finalized, this would mean that I’d be giving a year’s notice at my own job.  A year is obviously not required but I had promised that I would give a year so that I could start training another person to make the transition.  I’m also not sure I’m ready to retire yet, so it would be nice to give myself a year to mentally prepare.  Retirement would also mean I’d not be working out with my trainer 4 times a week.  I’ve gotten very dependent upon his guidance and motivation, so I’d have to figure out how to go forth with that part of my life, a part that I’ve come to enjoy so much.

So I finally weighed myself about 3 months ago, more out of curiosity than anything.  I was feeling good and I could kind of guess where I was at weight wise.  I was a little off, but close...I thought I weighed about 173 but was actually 175. 

About that time, I purchased a Motiv ring which you wear all the time.  It tracks your activities, calories expended, sleep trends, heart rate, etc.  I’ve found it is a really good way to keep me motivated to be active and eat right.  So this is a typical day for me:

There are other screens which show how your heart rate changes during the day, such as during exercise, and at night while you are at rest.  You can look at how your heart rate changes at night, on the nights when I've eaten sugar, my resting heart rate is almost always higher.  Sugar...BAD!

(The Motiv app calculations are based on the BMR for a 65 year old woman of my height and weight, which is calculated to be around 1360.  I wonder how much it will change when I turn 66 next month LOL.) 

With my workouts and being relatively active, I’ve found (according to Motiv) I usually “burn” around 2000-2500 calories a day.

So over the past 3 months, I’ve consistently tried to keep my calories around 1800 a day (occasionally I'm under but I also do go over on weekends).  But that’s all I’ve done, and I’m currently weighing in at 168.  So it's taken 3 months to lose around 7 lbs, but those size 8’s a mentioned a few posts back fit now.

So my intention now is to lose 5 more lbs and then stay there.  I think 163 is a good weight for me.

I hope everyone is doing well, and enjoying 2019 so far.