The Art of Maintaining My Sanity

What a weird trip the last few months have been!

After my mother fell and broke her leg, she spent a few days in the hospital, then was in a rehabilitation facility for about 6 weeks. 

Suffice it to say that the biggest problem she has now is NOT her leg.  It is her brain.  Her Alzheimers seems to have gotten significantly worse in the span of two months, which I don’t really understand because (as my husband says) “she didn’t fall on her head.”

In fact, at rehab, she was a star in physical therapy.  But because she was in a new facility, it became apparent that she literally cannot learn anything new.  I mean ANYTHING.

Like, “Use your red button to call the nurse when you need help to get to the bathroom.”

She never learned that.

She also could never remember why she was in the hospital or rehab.  You could tell her a dozen times in the span of a 20 minute visit, but she would continue to ask.

Plus she has flights of fantasy about what she can do…she thinks she can walk without help, use the bathroom, get dressed...yes, she could do all those things before she fell, but not now!  And while she knows who I am (probably because I visit almost every day), half the time she doesn’t know who my brother is. 

So fortunately, finally her leg was well enough for her to be discharged.  She's still in a wheelchair a lot but also can use a walker a bit.  But she forgets she cannot just get up and walk around!  So this meant that she couldn’t go back to her normal living situation in her Assisted Living facility, where she was basically pretty independent.  I couldn’t leave her alone, for fear she would fall again.  But I also didn’t want to move her out of the life she at least kind of knows.

So I’ve hired a service to provide 24 hour supervision.  Now, she’s back "home", with essentially a full time babysitter in her tiny studio.   She doesn’t remember a lot of her friends there, but she still loves to play bingo and penny poker.  At least for now, she’s safe and cared for, but I don’t know if this is a long term solution, mostly because it is SO expensive.  Right now I'm just playing it by ear, trying to figure out what's best for her. 

Anyway, as you can imagine, my own life was a bit in turmoil.

In between all the doctors' appointments, CareTeam meetings, arranging for the caregiver service, and visiting her every day, meanwhile also trying to work at my job as much as possible, I can proudly say that I always worked out at least 3 days a week with my trainer.  That was very helpful to managing my stress.

But my food…whew.  That was another story. "OF COURSE," stress and turmoil automatically means I eat crap.  I got back heavy into the licorice and ice cream, and just generally eating too much.  (All the things I crave now are foods my mother would not let me have as a child, because I was "too fat."  OMG, could my food foibles be any more clichéd?)

I have no idea how much weight I've gained, but my skinny jeans are super snug.  I'm going to guess I'm back up to 175.  Well, maybe not quite that much, but at least the low 170's.   I'll weigh after a few days off the sugar.     

At least now that things are under control with my mom, I can ease back into eating right.   Today was the first day I did that.  The biggest thing was today I didn’t eat any of my normal comfort foods.

In my book that’s a victory.

Anyway, I apologize that I have not been around much to read and comment on all your blogs, but I promise...I'm back!

ETA:  I was just getting ready to post this two days ago, but I wanted to proofread first.  Then I got distracted...and then my husband had surgery this morning on his foot, which he injured about a month ago by tripping on a curb.

Das Boot

So we got home a bit ago, and I am hanging out with him while he sleeps in his chair.  I woke him up and asked him if it was okay to leave for a few minutes (to visit my mom) and he said "No, not until this is over."  I have no idea what that means.  I think it's the drugs, but I'm sticking around.

Between my mother and my husband, I am so tired of hospitals.

Anyway, today is day 3 of no licorice and no ice cream, and to be honest, I'm dying!  I want a fix so bad, probably due to the stress and boredom.

I have both in the house (bought a week ago), but I've made up my mind that I will not have any.  I suppose I could throw them away but right now I want to see if I can be strong and resist.

Actually, I am looking at all of what's happened lately as a challenge to maintain my sanity.  I don't feel too crazy, yet...so far so good!   

Onward and Upward!