Okay, I’m already officially tired of the snow… I moved to Seattle 28 years ago from the Midwest to get away from snow. We had another big snowstorm last night, this time accompanied by high winds.
For reasons unknown, Buster has always been very afraid of the wind. I had to give him doggie tranquilizers so we could both sleep through the night. This morning, the potty station that I shoveled for him on Thursday is now completely covered again by new snow. When I sent him outside first thing today, he refused to go into the deep snow and peed on the deck instead. I can’t say that I blame him. I’ll have to shovel his spot out again sometime later this morning.
Today is my mom’s 80th birthday. My husband and I had intended to drive down to visit her today (she lives about an hour away), take her to lunch, and help her put up her Christmas tree. When the forecast came out predicting that we were going to have another snowstorm on Saturday night through Sunday afternoon, I hurried down by myself yesterday morning instead for a quick visit and to help her with her tree. I do love my mother, and I know she loves me, but it is emotionally exhausting for me to be with her. Without thinking, she tends to say critical things about my looks…such as, "You've gained some weight," “When are you going to get a facelift?” or “I hate the color of that sweater!”
Yesterday, we had a nice visit (with no critical comments), the tree got put up, and I was on my way home by 2 o’clock, to beat the incoming storm. Still, in the span of an hour on the drive home, I consumed (in this order): a South Beach Diet bar, a fruit and nut bar, a beef & cheddar sandwich and vanilla shake from Arby’s, and half a package of Twizzlers (I would have eaten the whole package but I ran out of time). I just couldn’t stop myself. My husband is the most supportive person when it comes to my eating disorder, but I still was too ashamed to tell him about my binge when I got home. In fact, when we had dinner that evening, I ate everything as usual (even though I wasn't hungry) and never said anything.
Today I have a stomachache and I feel like crap. I’ll be glad when Christmas is over, because that is always the biggest emotional drain of the year. I think it’s pretty obvious that I need to find better ways to deal with my emotions.
Last night after hearing that my quite physically ailing mother has just about disowned all of us (her 4 children and multiple grandchildren) because she simply "cannot wait" until Friday to begin moving her stuff to her new place, I purchased 24 EGGO waffles and I consumed 8 of them in rapid succession. I could have easily done all 24. I have never been to OA. Do you think it helped to shape your mindset at all? Because I know all the right stuff, I just get so triggered by stress. The trigger was supposed to switch to exercise but...I need more hypnotherapy I guess.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. True Heart
ReplyDeleteDo we have the same mother???
After spending the day with my mom, I can completely relate to the need to eat 8 waffles, although I would probably have chosen something more dense like a bag of Lindt truffles or several bags of Doritos.
Although I don’t currently attend meetings, I went regularly to Overeaters Anonymous from 1988 until about 1993, then off and on for a few more years. I first started going because I had just moved to a new area, started a new job, and was going through a divorce. I didn’t know anybody and was feeling lonely and alone. The stress caused me to have a lot of trouble with binge eating, accompanied sometimes by bulimia.
I haven’t been to a meeting for quite a few years but I am thinking about going back. For those of us with any addiction (compulsive overeating, drugs, drinking, gambling, etc), we may go through periods of relative peace where we feel we are okay on our own. Then if we are subjected to new stresses, we may relapse or just need help dealing with our emotions. For me, OA was not a cure-all, but a tool that helped me deal with what I was going through emotionally and physically.
The bottom line is…meetings are free, you have nothing to lose to attend a meeting, and you may find them helpful. If you don’t want to talk at a meeting, you don’t have to. I’m a bit shy, so I went to about 10 meetings before I ever said a word…I just listened and listened. It helped to hear the stories and struggles of people in the same boat. It’s a real support group and you will meet some great caring, non-judgmental people. I even met my husband at a meeting! ☺ And if you find it’s not for you, you can just stop attending.
If you’re interested, just Google “Overeaters Anonymous.” They have a great website that tells about the organization as well as helps you find a meeting.
If you decide to try it, I’d love to hear about your thoughts. Take care.