If this is my new normal, I'm okay with it (for now)

When COVID19 and my retirement (April 1) collided head on, I spent the first few weeks trying to manage anxiety.  I was having trouble sleeping and would wake up in a panic thinking about everything.  I couldn't get my mind to stop going, and sometimes my heart would start to beat like it was going to jump out of my chest...

I finally called my doctor.  We discussed that I had gone through A LOT of personal life changes in the past months.  Throw in a pandemic and it was not unusual that I would be anxious or depressed.  She prescribed some mild anti-anxiety medication called Buspar.  I don’t have to take it all the time, only when I’m feeling anxious.  I mean, I COULD take it all the time, but I don’t need to.  To be honest, I’ve hardly taken it at all, maybe once or twice a week.  But just the fact that I have it available helps to lessen the anxiety, and there don’t appear to be any side effects for me.  I honestly don’t feel anything when I take it, other than the anxiety goes away.  No drowsiness, etc.

While the medication helps, I also need to do some other things to maintain my emotional equilibrium. 

Exercise is key, so I now work out virtually with my trainer Steve at 8 am on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  I’m fortunate that I have an area to work out in (my office) and a lot of equipment.  Working out sets the tone for the day to be productive and to be honest, I think I will continue on virtually after quarantine ends.  It’s super easy, I don’t have to go anywhere, and plus the virtual sessions are less expensive than in studio.   And obviously safer from a virus standpoint.   Although I feel like I’m super healthy, I AM 67, so in the vulnerable group as is my husband who is 73.  So for now, it’s better to limit my exposure. 

My workout equipment

Keeping busy (but not TOO busy) is helpful.  So I clean, organize, garden, etc.  But I do try to keep from doing it compulsively.  I made a TO DO list, and the list is loooong, so I’ll never run out of things to do NOR will I ever finish no matter how much I do.  I have to keep that in mind…I don’t have to do it ALL NOW.  (Because I’m retired!)  The first few weeks, my husband would comment on how I was making him nervous, or that I was like a shark that couldn’t stop moving.  I can't tell you how many times he told me to relax.  Meaning "Stop, you're going to wear yourself out".  So now I “allow” myself to  do whatever I want during the day but at 4 pm, I stop!

My tomatoes

Or at least I stop physically constantly moving at 4.  I can still do more passive things such as work on the computer.  In fact, I started a little eBay business! 

I used to collect antique jewelry and silver spoons, so a lot of these things have been languishing in boxes downstairs or in my jewelry box.  I also used to buy clothes and shoes for work, and then never wear them.  Most still have tags on them!  So I've spent the last few weeks posting things on eBay.  I have to research, photograph, post, then ship, all of which has kept my mind busy and it’s fun!  It helps to be very organized, which I am, and I love doing all these things in my office. So far I've posted about 25 things, sold about 8, and believe me, I've got a boatload of things still to sell.  And as my husband says, Selling and Earning beats Buying and Spending.   

My office

Finally, I take Jennie for a long walk every day.  And speaking of dogs…Jennie’s personality has blossomed since she lost her sister.  I really think she likes being an only dog.  When there were two, there was a lot of negative, competitive energy.  My mother was pretty neurotic, so they grew up in an unstable environment.  After we got them, they improved a lot, but there was still a lot of high pitched crazy barking, food aggression, and pee “accidents."  Now that Bonnie is gone, Jennie hardly barks at all, hasn’t had one accident, and is so mellow.  Dogs are wonderful, but weird.  Who knows what goes on in their brains, and how they process relationships with their "parents" and their "siblings." 

Jennie in her car seat, ready to go!

I don’t have the deep emotional connection with Jennie that I did with Buster, but then, Buster was my once-in-a-lifetime heart dog.  Still, I am enjoying Jennie's company and since she is so tiny, she's easy to transport.  She's a great traveler, so we go everywhere together.  And let's face it, she's really adorable.  I think I can actually say now that I love this little dog.  

Hmmm, anything else?  Well, my husband and I are getting along very well, and I've been trying to be more open with him about my feelings of anxiety.  He actually listens to me and been very supportive.  Mostly he just comforts me and tells me that everything is going to be okay.  And that's really all I need. 

I think that’s about it.  I'm okay with things for now, although I'd like to be able to travel again someday in the not too distant future.  After all, I didn't work until I'm 67 to stay home for the rest of my life. 

But whatever is happening in your State or area, I hope everyone is handling quarantine or re-opening well.  It's going to be okay!