Weekend Update...now Let Me Eat Cake

I started on several posts this week, but never got around to finishing any of them. At this point, none of them seem timely anymore or even very interesting, so I'm basically starting over this morning.

First things first...4HB results:

I lost a 1/2 lb from last week. I also lost another 1/2 inch from both my waist and my hips.

Considering all the stuff going on last week, I'll take it.

1. I was at a seminar all day Wednesday, so I wasn't able to stick to 4HB as much as I wanted to. I didn't really eat anything I wasn't supposed to, but still, I just wasn't on my normal food schedule.

2. My 58th birthday was also Wednesday, so for dinner Hub took me to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. I only had Caesar salad and steak (which was incredible, by the way) but I did over-indulge a bit in the alcohol department. No "celebratory" dessert though! I just told myself I would have my cake on Saturday.

3. I didn't work out at all. Just couldn't fit it in. Even yesterday, I had to go with Hub to some medical appointments so I wasn't able to do my normal "Friday-off" K-bell workout.

So, in the larger scheme of things, I'm pleased. Next week should be a lot better.

Now, something that has been on my mind that I haven't shared yet. Something that is causing me some anxiety.

Hub is having his right knee replaced on March 8, which is the reason for the appointments. There are so many pre-op things to do, blood work, EKG's, x-rays, etc.

I am nervous for him, as this operation is supposed to be very painful. I know it will be worth it in the long run, but I hate to see anyone (especially someone I love) in pain, so I'm very stressed about that. But it is long past time he had this done (he probably should have had it done a few years ago), as he has literally no cartilage left in that knee. Walking causes him a lot of discomfort. In fact, for the last few months, he has had to use a cane to go anywhere.

I remember when we first met, in 1988, he and I would go for long hikes with our dog. I mean long, difficult hikes, up mountains. He was in very good shape for someone of his size. When I think back, I realize that this knee problem has gradually taken away a lot of our ability to do fun things together. I miss that and I know he does too, so I have to focus on the positive aspects of what this knee replacement will mean, and stop worrying so much about the short term stress this will cause.

So, today is cheat day. We haven't decided where we're going, but wherever we go, it's going to be a place that has good cake. Because I'm going to have some birthday cake.

It's really cold here (only 24 degrees right now) and snowing lightly (ugh). I hope it warms up a bit so I can take B to the park. I definitely will get in a good work out today too.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

One additional thing...

I forgot to mention that I've also totally given up soy milk. I used to drink a lot of soy, instead of milk. I stopped using it because the book said to, but it was not clear to me as to why. So I did some research...

1) Soy contains phytoestrogens, which the body recognizes as estrogens - not good if you're a man, and really not good if you're a woman. Many female cancers are estrogen sensitive.
2) Soy is goitrogenic, meaning that it slows down your thyroid, which is a good possibility for why weight loss can be hampered if you use a lot of soy.

(I'm obviously no expert on the pros and cons of soy. This is just what I've read.)

Since I'm not using soy, I'm so glad to have found the almond milk. It's a pretty good substitute for both dairy and soy. Almond Breeze is the brand I'm using...I've tried Almond Dream too, but I don't like it as well. Almond Breeze has 1 more gram of fat and 1 fewer gram of carbs than the Almond Dream, which I think is why it tastes better. And it fits in better to the low carb idea anyway.

Happy President's Day Weekend, and 4HB So Far...

So far, it's been a great weekend. It's a lovely day, cold but sunny. I have Monday off for President's Day. And I lost 2 lbs this week!

My total loss in 3 weeks on 4HB = 3 lbs (7 lbs to go!)

I didn't lose anything last week, so 2 lbs is probably making up for last week
(Hub has lost about 10 lbs in 3 weeks)

Since January 31, I've also lost inches. So far:

• 1 inch off my hips (meager, I know)
• 1.5 inches off my waist (not too bad)
• 2.5 inches off my chest (wow!)

(But why is it the place I least want to lose it…or should I says where HUB least wants me to lose it… is where I lose the most? LOL)

Anyway, I'm very pleased with the results so far. I've been feeling great, no cravings, other than the occasional desire for a cookie or banana bread when I'm picking up my coffee in the morning. I think that's just because they're there, staring at me. But I just ignore the desire…and it goes away.

Here are some of the specific things that I think are making the difference:

• During the week, I've been having a protein shake first thing in the morning (about 6:30), made with powdered egg protein and unsweetened almond milk. I originally tried to make it with water, but it made me gag. The almond milk has been a lifesaver...I had no idea almond milk was so low in calories and carbs. I also add two frozen strawberries for flavor (even though you are not supposed to have fruit, strawberries are very low in carbs…1 g per strawberry), a little vanilla, and some fiber powder. I think the protein gets my metabolism started, and works so well I don't even think about food until about noon or even later.

• I've totally given up artificial sweeteners (other than the small amount of stevia that's in the egg protein powder). I've decided I'm not even going to use them on cheat day, even though anything goes. My taste buds seem to already have changed to the point I don't need them. (I had planned on drinking some Diet Dr Pepper today, but I've changed my mind.)

• I have been drinking a lot of water, with a squeeze or two of fresh lemon (as recommended). Lemon supposedly lowers the glycemic index of whatever you eat.

• I absolutely cannot stand black coffee, so I've been using 2 tablespoons of heavy whipping cream mixed with some of the almond milk to whiten my coffee. (Most dairy has lactose, so it's not allowed. But heavy cream has 0 carbs, thus no lactose. It's all fat)

• Two evenings this week, I had two glasses of red wine, which is allowed (2 glasses per day)

• 4HB says you don't even have to exercise, unless you want to. So I haven't exercised as much as usual, just 3 days this week. (Nor have I obsessed about the fact that I haven't exercised much.)

• I've been taking the specific supplements recommended

The funny thing is, today is cheat day, but I've really not been very hungry. I got up about 8 a.m. then I didn't feel like eating first thing, so all I had was 2 cups of coffee with heavy cream. I took B to the park about 10 a.m., then I had a big bowl of yogurt (the sweetened-with-sugar kind) with some sliced almonds. After that, I walked on the treadmill for about an hour.

It's about 2:30 now, and Hub and I just had brunch which was fried eggs, refried beans with a little Mexican cheese, and a whole wheat tortilla. I feel very satisfied.

So, I'm not really focused on the food, what I'm going to cheat with, etc. Now that's a very interesting experience! I guess when I can have whatever I want, I don't necessarily even want it.

Right now, we're watching Inherit the Wind on TCM (dvr'd). Tonight, we're going to church, then out to dinner. Tomorrow we're back on program. We're going to an all-you-can-eat crab feed, so we'll just have crab, salad, and skip the garlic bread. Oh, yes, don't forget the 2 glasses of red wine!

Take care, everyone. Enjoy the weekend!

Valentine's Day

Poor Hub is sick with the same virus I had, so he is miserable today. He actually lost his voice as a result.

Still, in spite of that he went and bought me some flowers and a card. I bought him a card and some almonds instead of candy (low carb, you know).

He also cooked a lovely dinner. Turkey legs osso buco style. In spite of 4HB, we splurged and so we also had 1/2 serving each of low-carb pasta. I had a glass of red wine with dinner (2 glasses are allowed every day, although I don't usually drink during the week).

I'm so lucky to have such a thoughtful husband...especially one that can cook!

I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day!

A Mother's Influence

When I first got up yesterday, I was watching TV by myself and ran across a series called "What's Eating You" on E!, and it is about people with eating disorders. My husband doesn't like me to watch shows like this, because they can be very triggering (although not so much anymore).

But since he was still in bed, I watched one episode about a young woman named Nickey who had BDD and OCD tendencies (like I do). (Except she was really skinny and had an extreme fear of carbohydrates). It would take her hours to get dressed in the morning, because everything has to match, and she thinks everything makes her look fat, and she is terrified to look at herself in the mirror.

Then I watched a few other clips on line from other shows. Again, there were women with bulimia, anorexia, binge eating disorders, compulsive exercising, etc.

Can you guess what the common denominator was for all these women? Their mothers. Their mothers modeled this behavior, or criticized them for their weight, or put them on diets at a young age when they were just a little overweight or even perfectly normal.

I guess the moral of this story (if there is one) is if you have children (especially girls), please please please be aware of how your actions can affect them longterm, even as adults. Here I am, almost 58 years old, still dealing with BDD, OCD, anxiety, and long term effects of disordered eating.

Remember, you are the most influential person in your child's life. I wish my mother had told me when I was little that I was important and valuable as a person, whether or not I was skinny. It might have changed my life.

Cheat Day

Even though I said earlier this week that I wasn't going to weigh this morning, I did. I only lost 1/2 lb since last Saturday and no more inches lost. But...it's all good, because I was sick the majority of the week, and I wasn't expecting to lose anything.

The 4HB diet is not hard to stay on at all. And I feel good on it. I'm wondering if all these years of restricting and dieting, maybe I wasn't getting enough protein...now that I'm finally getting enough, that's why I'm feeling so good both physically and mentally?

Today is cheat day, so we had potatoes and eggs for brunch! Potatoes! Yay! Plus I added some blueberry yogurt to my normal protein shake that I drank first thing this morning. (Most dairy, such as yogurt and cheese, is not on this diet on normal days.) Adding the yogurt made the shake taste really good. So on cheat days, this is how we have decided to cheat. Small enjoyable additions to our normal meals, and eating some things we normally wouldn't eat.

This morning, I worked out with some small weights and the kettlebell. Instead of just lifting the weights, I lifted them to the music I usually use for my treadmill, and kept I moving even between sets. It was a cross between free-form aerobics and weight lifting. It was fun, and 30 minutes of that really worked up a sweat.

We're relaxing now, watching Stagecoach, a 4-star John Ford movie on TCM. Later we'll go to church and then to dinner. I'm thinking Italian, which I didn't get last Saturday because of my cold. Yep, next to potatoes, I love pasta! Or, maybe we'll have sushi and sake. I Love Sushi. I do, and that's the name of our local sushi restaurant. lol.

Enjoy your weekend!

A Proper Binge...

I'm feeling much better, so I went to work on Wednesday and Thursday. But I'm glad I'm off today. One of the effects of this bug is a lingering cough. It woke me up twice last night, and because I didn't want to wake up Hub, I had to get up both times to COUGH really hard (you know how sometimes you just need to COUGH?) and get a cough drop. Then it took me a while to get back to sleep. So, it was nice to be able to sleep in a bit this morning.

I've been sticking with the 4HB diet pretty closely, even while I was sick. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's "pig-out day", but I don't think I'm going to really pig out. Hub and I discussed it, and it seems stupid and counter-productive to go way overboard just because we have "permission." And, to be honest, the concept of pigging out (aka bingeing) makes me uncomfortable. I think it goes back to my bulimic days, the idea that a binge must of course be followed by a purge. Yuck. So I think I'll just enjoy a few treats, but I won't go crazy. More like being on vacation for a day.

Right now, I'm going to work out a bit with weights and the kettlebell. The weather is mild today and not raining, so then B and I are going to see his Auntie Pam and Kermit and Olive this afternoon. We'll take a little walk around her neighborhood. Should be fun. I know B will be in heaven.

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Sick again

Right after I wrote my pig-out post on Saturday, I realized I was getting another head cold. Second one in a month. At first I thought it was allergies, but it wasn't.

So, the pig-out that actually occurred was very restrained compared to what I had planned. My throat was getting sore, and so I really didn't feel like eating much, junk or otherwise. I did have one donut, a few pieces of red licorice, and a few Lindt truffles. The donut was kind of tasteless, probably because my taste buds were screwed up. In fact, none of my junk food tasted that great. Then in the evening, we didn't go to out to dinner as planned. So not much of a pig-out day. That's okay.

Since Saturday, I've been feeling very contagious (sneezing and constantly blowing my nose) so I've been hanging out at home. I called in sick to work yesterday and today. I know nobody would appreciate me coming in and spreading this germ. Of course, since I'm home, Buster has been bugging me to go to the park, and I really haven't felt up to it. He just sits next to the couch and stares at me, for hours. Today, Hub had to go to a job site, so he took B with him to give me a break from the constant staring.

I really haven't felt like eating, so it's been pretty easy to stick to the 4HB diet, except for I haven't worked out or been drinking enough water. I'm not sure I'm going to weigh on Saturday. Since my normal schedule is screwed up, it will probably have played havoc with my results. I may just wait until next Saturday to weigh in. There's no hurry.

In the meantime, I've been reading my Kindle, watching lots of TV (thank goodness for HGTV and TCM 31 Days of Oscar), taking regular doses of Alka Seltzer Plus (I love that stuff), and sleeping.

Well, speaking of Alka Seltzer Plus, it's about time for another dose. Take care everyone, hope you don't get this bug!

I Lost One Pound…Now I'm Going to Pig Out

Today was my first weigh in. The scale said I've only lost 1 pound, which was kind of disappointing. But my waist has been feeling much more firm, and the love handles seem to be receding. Since 4HB says to also check your measurements on weigh-in day, I did. The tape measure says I've lost 1/2 inch off my hips, and 1 whole inch off my waist. Wow! Maybe the fat really is being converted to muscle, which is supposedly the idea. 1 inch off my waist in one week...Now that's something to be happy about! Definitely motivation to keep going.

So I'm going to pig out today. I'm planning to have 1, maybe 2, Starbucks Top Pot donuts around 11 a.m., and some red licorice this afternoon. We might go for Italian food tonight, we haven't decided. Whatever it is, it will be decadent. There will definitely be a before-dinner cocktail and then a few glasses of wine with dinner. Then ice cream with caramel sauce for dessert.

You may be thinking…Good LORD, Grace, you just said you were motivated to keep going! Please don't mess up now!

I told you this diet had some weird twists…and this is one of them. You MUST "pig out" one day a week. Sounds crazy, I know. But here are the rules of the diet in a nutshell:
1) Avoid "white" carbohydrates
2) Eat the same few meals over and over
3) Don't drink calories
4) Don't eat fruit
5) Take one day off a week and go nuts

According to the author:

Dramatically spiking caloric intake once per week increases fat-loss by ensuring that your metabolic rate (thyroid function) doesn't downshift from extended caloric restriction. That's right, eating pure crap can help you lose fat. Welcome to Utopia. There are no limits or boundaries during this day of gluttonous enjoyment. There is absolutely NO CALORIE COUNTING on this diet, on this day or any other.

So here it is, my "go nuts" day. (Hub's "go nuts" day too...we're going to "go nuts" together)

Honestly, I am a bit scared to do this. (Eddie is screaming at me, "YOU FOOL!") I've never heard of anything like this, but if I'm going to follow this program, I'm going to follow it to the letter. I did the first 6 days exactly like I was supposed to, so now I need to have faith and do the 7th day as proscribed.

Hey, if it doesn't work, it's not the end of the world...I can always go back to what I've done in the past. But I really want to give this a chance.

Meet Eddie

I've never thought of my ED Voice as anything concrete or specific. It's never had a real face, it's always just been a disembodied voice. It just pops up, sometimes when I least expect it. I'm not always sure what triggers it. Like yesterday.

It used to be really loud and powerful. It would tell me I was fat, that I didn't deserve to be happy, and would cause me a lot of anxiety and start me spiraling down into destructive eating patterns.

Now I am starting to learn that it is just a stupid, silly voice. I'm getting much better at telling it to STFU (thanks, Roxie). It really has lost lots of its power.

Lately, I've been try to add a photo, or a picture or at least some little clip art to my posts so they are not just expanses of text. So yesterday, I was trying to find something to add. I ran across a little gremlin-ish creature, a crabby little guy with a big mouth. When I look at this little guy, I imagine his voice as squeaky (kind of like Gilbert Gottfried, if you know who that is). That describes the Voice in my head now. Not strong or really nasty...it's more annoying than scary, just a meddling ankle biter.

So, from now on, my posts which deal with the ED voice will feature Eddie (ED…Eddie…get it? ha ha, I'm so clever.) I think by putting a silly face to the Voice, it will continue to get even smaller and less powerful.

Day 4

Coming up on the end of Day 4. I'm not hungry most of the time. 4HB is definitely not a difficult diet to stay on, for me at least. I've strictly followed the plan for all my meals and snacks. I've been drinking water by the gallon.

Today I went to lunch with a group of friends and had an Asian chicken salad with a chili vinegar dressing. It came with mandarin oranges, which I picked out (because there's no fruit at all on this diet during the week), and the dressing tasted a little sweet. It was just okay, so I didn't feel like eating much of it, and took half the chicken home for B.

I feel like I've been spot on for 4 days.

But...the weirdest thing is...I feel really fat tonight.

I've been 4 days strictly on this diet, no cheats, in fact I've probably eaten less than is recommended.

And I feel fat.

I don't know if this feeling is real or if it is just my ED speaking ("fat...fat...fat").

Whatever...I'm still going to wait until Saturday to weigh. The author of the 4HB says women need to give the program at least a month. So, I've committed to staying on this at least a month, no matter what the scale says in the short term.

Dunked

In order to start off on the right foot with 4HB, my hub suggested I get an accurate hydrostatic fat test, where they dunk you in a tank. (Not the electrical impedance tester they use at Curves, those are supposedly not always accurate.) There is a mobile test service in our area, and coincidentally it was scheduled to be nearby this morning. So on Monday, I called and made an appointment for today.

So, here are the numbers:

Weight 173.6 (up 10 lbs from my lowest weight this summer...like I said, those last 10 keep creeping back)

Height 5' 8-1/2" (Yikes...this means I've lost a 1/2 inch in height from the last time I checked, which was a few years ago and I was 5'9". In college I used to be 5' 9-1/2", almost 5' 10"! Now according to the dunk-tank man, I am "just barely" 5' 8-1/2". Gravity is not our friend. No wonder my fat level is going up, I'm getting shorter. Ha ha)

Lean 112, Fat 61.6 = Body fat 35.5

According to the chart, my body fat is in the "Poor" range.

Bummer.

So much for working out consistently and thinking I'm in "good shape" for a soon-to-be 58 year old. Bleh. I definitely need to lose and KEEP OFF those 10 lbs. Using a healthy diet and exercise, of course.

So, I bought a kettlebell today. A kettlebell workout is great for your abs and core, and I saw them using kettlebells last night on Biggest Loser. It looked easy enough and I know there are videos on line to help you do it right. I checked in my 4HB book and it suggested starting with a 35 lb one.

So off to Sports Authority I went at lunch. They had several sizes on the floor from 5 to 44 lbs. I picked up the 35 lb one. Well, it would be much more accurate to say I TRIED to pick it up. WHAT??? I could barely lift that thing. Even the 20 lb felt really heavy. I could just imagine hurting myself or someone else swinging it around. Or dropping it on the hardwood floor. 15 lbs seemed about right, but I finally talked to a very fit (female) salesperson and asked whether I should get the 15 or 20 lbs. She said, "I presume you just want to tone up, not bulk up. If so, get the 15 lbs." Which I did. I had almost ordered one on line, and was leaning toward the 35 lb one. I'm glad I checked in person. Whew. Anyway, I'm excited to have this as an exercise option on Fridays when I don't feel like going downstairs on the treadmill with the bookkeeper in the office. I can just workout in my living room and listen to my iPod.

Anyway, onward and upward.

So far, so good!

I know, it's only been 2 days.  

I hope this isn't premature...but I'm feeling great.  The 4HB diet is basically a low carb diet (protein, non-starchy vegetables); with legumes, beans, etc added in.  Beans are protein rich but still have carbs that are very slowly absorbed so your blood sugar does not spike.  Hence it's called "slow carb" rather than low carb.  I've been on low carb diets before, but I always felt cranky and tired on them.  This time, I think the addition of beans makes a big difference.  

I've been having a protein drink within 30 minutes of getting up about 5:30 which lasts me until about 10 a.m.  Eating within 30 minutes is apparently key to get the metabolism fired up. Then I have hard-boiled eggs (which I love) and some vegetables.  Then about 1:30-2 p.m., I've been eating celery with peanut butter (2 tablespoons carefully measured out), and some meatloaf that hub made (with white beans as a binder instead of bread crumbs…was quite good).  For dinner tonight, we had bean soup.  One bowl was plenty. 

You might think the beans would cause a gaseous problem (lol) but because the beans he used in both the meatloaf and soup  have been canned  instead of dried (white cannellini beans from TJ's),  apparently that alleviates a lot of that issue. 

Throughout the day, I wasn't hungry, in fact I had to make myself eat.  Now it's 9:30, about 1-1/2 hours since we ate dinner, and I'm not hungry now either.   Hub has been doing well too.

My plan is to weigh once a week on Saturday morning.  I guess the story of whether this diet is working will be told then.

There are some additional twists to this program which I will elaborate on in the coming days.  All I can say is, this promises to be a very interesting experience.