It was a beautiful morning, so I took B to the trail park, and we walked hard for about 40 minutes. I had to carry him for part of the way, because he started to lag so far behind, and he just stopped at one point. But after I carried him for awhile, he seemed to bounce back and was able to finish the walk.
Then it rained pretty hard, and now it's nice again. As they say, if you don't like the weather here in the PNW, just wait…it will change.
Since hub has been sick, I've been trying to find things that he can eat that contain
a lot of Vitamin C. So as I was wandering around the Safeway Thursday night, I bought a box of Cuties Clementines. Now, I honestly don't enjoy eating fruit normally …it just doesn't appeal to me...but I do try to eat 2 pieces a day just because I know I'm supposed to... because it's healthy. But when I tasted one of the clementines...Wow, talk about delicious! They are now my new favorite fruit. And low in calories too.I also just ran across a website called Caloriecount. It's kind of cool…you can put in everything you eat. They have a large database of foods, including a lot of brand name foods. You can also put in all your activities, and it will track it for you as well as keep a running tally of calories burned just based on your BMR. So you can compare your calorie intake vs. your output.
Right now we're watching the Men's curling match for the Gold Medal. Again, I'm rooting for Canada. Except one of the guys from the Norway team, the one that throws the rock, is pretty freaking cute. He looks like a model. Hub says he thinks the guy's lips are too thin, but I think he's just jealous.
Anyway, nothing very exciting here. We're gonna watch a pay-per-view movie tonight, since we still can't go anywhere because I'm sure hub is still very contagious. He still has a fever of about 100 degrees. Needless to say I'm using a lot of hand sanitizer and crossing my fingers that I don't get what he has.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend. Be sure to wash your hands!
...a gain of 3 lbs. I've actually been feeling a bit peaked this whole week. Hub and I were supposed to go out for dinner Tuesday night for my b-day, but when I got home, I was so exhausted that we decided not to. So he cooked me a pasta dinner instead. Then I woke up Wednesday with a head cold, so I stayed in bed all day. I took a lot of Zicam and Coldeez and felt a bit better yesterday. But I didn't work out all week except for a short time at Curves on Monday.
Even though I gained 3 lbs, I'm pretty proud of myself. When I weighed myself, I didn't even flinch. In the bad old days, I would have beat myself up, panicked, maybe even cried. I probably would have said, what the hell, and gone and eaten something fattening. Instead, this time I just got back on track. My food has been really good today, and since I'm feeling better physically, I spent 50 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Poor hub, though, he's been really sick for the past 2 days. I actually think he might have the H1N1. He had a fever of 103 last night, but at least he's better today. I just hope I don't catch whatever it is! I've been taking care of him, making him soup, and bringing him juice. But every time I get anywhere near him, I immediately go and wash my hands…Right now I'm watching the Olympic women's curling match for the Gold Medal, between Canada and Sweden. I've never watched curling before, but I've gotten into it this year. I'm really rooting for our Canadian friends. GO CANADA!
I hope everyone is having a great Friday and looking forward to the weekend.
Dang, Canada just lost. But what an exciting game! Congrats to Sweden.
Over the weekend, I accidentally ran across the blog of a woman who has lost a lot of weight (over 100 lbs) in a fairly short period of time and is now very thin. She's a rather compelling writer, so I read her complete blog from start to finish...almost 2 years worth. (Yeah, I know...I need to get a life.)
What fascinated me was her obsession with calories, exercise, etc. Her life revolved around what she ate, how many calories each food item had, how much exercise she could do. She'd often spend hours at the gym or running. Even when she was really sick, she’d obsess on how she “should” be out there exercising, and often she actually would go out and exercise when she probably shouldn’t have. She didn’t seem to have a life outside of her weight loss efforts, and she was terrified of gaining back the weight. Whenever she’d gain a pound or two, she’d beat up on herself and say the most abusive things to herself. She occasionally made some really scary statements about what she would do to herself if she gained back weight...and not just all the weight, even a little. I'm talking violent, suicidal thoughts. She hardly ever seemed “happy,” except when she could report a loss, and she rarely seemed to do things just for fun. She also had some truly horrific events happen in her personal life, but she seemed kind of detached from it. She’d mention the event, and the next post would be details of what she ate or how much she exercised that day.
At first, I admired her tenacity and single-mindedness, although I was a bit put off by her negative self-talk. But as I continued to read, her obsession with calories and excessive exercise increased, and her self talk got nastier and nastier…well, I’m no psychiatrist, but to me it sounded like she had developed an eating disorder.
But even more disturbing to me was the encouragement and positive comments she would get from other bloggers. When she would say something horrible about herself…“I ate too many calories, so I suck” or “I gained a pound, so I suck” or “I didn’t exercise enough today, so I suck”… people would tell her “You can do it!” or “Just get back on the wagon.” Conversely, when she would lose a pound or two, usually by watching what she ate and exercising for hours, folks would congratulate her… “You are an inspiration to me!” or “Wow, you’re amazing to exercise that much!” (Occasionally, someone would tell her to be kinder to herself, or maybe even that she needed counseling, but her responses to those comments were generally angry or terse.) Recently, when she posted pictures of her now-super skinny body, she’d get praise from other bloggers… “You are so HOT!”
I don’t mean to judge… I’m sure people were just trying to be nice and encouraging, but they obviously didn’t see what I see...a raging-out-of-control eating disorder. From experience, I know that "positive" comments such as she received just add fuel to an eating disorder. This woman has all of the indicators of exercise bulimia:
Exercise bulimia is a subset of the psychological disorder called bulimia in which a person is compelled to exercise in an effort aimed at burning the calories of food energy and fat reserves to an excessive level that negatively affects their health. The damage normally occurs through not giving the body adequate rest for athletic recovery compared to their exercise levels, leading to increasing levels of disrepair. If the person eats a normally healthy and adequate diet but exercises in levels they know require higher levels of nutrition, this can also be seen as a form of anorexia. Compulsive exercisers will often schedule their lives around exercise just as those with eating disorders schedule their lives around eating (or not eating). Other indications of compulsive exercise are:
• Missing work, parties or other appointments in order to work out
• Working out with an injury or while sick
• Becoming unusually depressed if unable to exercise
• Working out for hours at a time each day
• Not taking any rest or recovery days
• Defining self-worth in terms of performance
• Justifies excessive behavior by defining self as a "special" elite athlete
As a former bulimic, maybe I’m just overly sensitive to this issue, and I’m not sure what my point is about writing this post…but I really felt the need to write this down. Maybe it’s just to say this…the blogging community is full of wonderful people...I know you are just being encouraging or kind to people struggling to get healthy and improve their lives, but please...also be careful about giving positive strokes to someone for exhibiting obsessive or destructive behaviors. I think this woman started out with a true “weight loss” blog; unfortunately, none of her followers seemed to notice that over the course of many months, her healthy eating and exercising had transitioned into an eating disorder. Maybe I noticed it more because I read it all at once.
Anyway, I hope no one thinks I'm being critical of this woman or of her followers. I'm not...I just want people to be aware of what can happen.
Thanks for reading.
One of my blogging friends recently asked how B's legs were doing. (Thank you for asking, Ms True Heart.) Actually, I guess the problem is not in his knees, it's in his elbows, because it's his front legs.
Anyone who has followed me for a while knows B has elbow dysplasia. We went through quite a process to figure out what was wrong with him. Anyway, the dysplasia causes him to limp. Last time we were at the vet, I talked to her about how much B should walk. She said I should still walk him moderately, for his health, even if he does limp a little. Kind of like people…we need to exercise even when it hurts a bit. We don't go on 2-hour power walks like we used to but I try to walk him for at least 30 minutes on Friday and Saturday. I also give him an anti-inflammatory an hour before we go.
Another thing I try to avoid for him is walking on pavement. So I usually drive us to one of several nearby parks, so that we can walk on soft trails. But the park we went to this morning, we had to walk about a block on the sidewalk to get from our car to the park. Of course, when we first started, B was very excited and nothing could slow him down at that point. When we got to the park, he did pretty well, although he did start to limp and lag behind after about 20 minutes. When we finally left the park and headed back to the car, I didn't want him to walk on the pavement, so I picked him up and carried him.
Boy, he was heavy! He's a small dog and only weighs about 17 pounds. But carrying 17 extra pounds for a block was hard, and it got me to thinking…
17 pounds is exactly the amount of weight I've lost in the past 14 months! (since December 17, 2008)
No wonder I feel so much better in so many ways than I did last year. 17 fewer pounds makes it a lot easier to run on the treadmill and to exercise in general; 17 fewer pounds means I don't feel as self-conscious about wearing my uniform; 17 fewer pounds means my husband calls me "skinny butt."
My 57th birthday is Tuesday, and I really had in my mind that I wanted to be at my new goal weight (163) by then. I'm so close…but if it takes me another 8 months to lose the last 5 pounds, so be it. I'll just keep doing it slowly and steadily. That seems to be the best way.
I've always loved February, because of: - Valentine's Day
- My birthday on Feb 23
- Birthdays of several friends and relatives in February
- President's Day holiday/long weekend
- Mardi Gras (sometimes it's in March, but usually Feb)
- My work anniversary (this week I've been with my department for 22 years!)
- Finally…everything is RED RED RED which is my fave color
- Oh, and let's not forget…I only eat red candy, and February is the month of red candy!
Yesterday was a pretty low key Valentine's Day…hub gave me a 
card, bouquet, and some Swedish fish (red of course). I gave him a card and a box of Chinese fortune cookies (one of his favorite things...you can eat 5 for 100 calories). Then he cooked a nice breakfast for us, and we spent most of the afternoon watching movies on TCM. For dinner we had a Papa Murphy's chicken-bacon-artichoke thin crust pizza.Today has been a quiet Presidents' Day holiday. Hub had to work, so I took B for a long walk and then cleaned out all the drawers and cupboards in the bathroom. Question...Why do "people" (meaning hub and me) keep almost empty bottles, boxes and tubes? For example, we had several cough medicine bottles with literally 1 tablespoon left. Crazy! I packed up a full garbage bag full of that kind of shit. I also realized that every time we go to Costco, we buy another 2-pack of various pain meds (like Tylenol, Aleve, and Advil) and if I had just checked, we already have all that stuff stored in the back of one cupboard (the 2nd bottle of the 2-packs we bought LAST TIME we went to Costco)! So we currently have 3 HUGE Costco-MEGA-SIZE bottles each of those 3 medications, enough to last us for probably 10 years...if we have a headache every day. Tomorrow is Mardi Gras (aka Fat Tuesday) so I'll be going to Seattle's Pioneer Square with a girlfriend for the evening. Yay! Then we'll stay overnight at a hotel so we don't have to drive after having adult beverages. And then I'll go to work a bit late on Wednesday. That's it for now…I'll try to take some pictures of my Girls' Night Out! P.S. I just realized this is my 200th post!
First of all, thank you for the comments on my last post. I'm feeling much better. Fortunately, I don't have to spend any more time in court in the immediate future. I'll have to go back as the trial progresses, but not right now.
Just to explain a bit (again, I'll need to continue to be a bit vague)…a few years ago, our department responded to a fully involved house fire. Later it turned out that the fire was set as a cover up for a multiple homicide (two women and two small children). Because of my job, I was very involved in the investigation. After 3-1/2 years, the trial is finally taking place, and it's been quite an emotional roller coaster. Some of the awful memories are returning with a vengeance. But we are all supporting one another and I'm so lucky...my co-workers are wonderful and I love them. There's definitely an attitude that we're all in this together, and we are doing whatever it takes to get the best outcome for this trial.
I also spent my last therapy session talking about it with Dr D ("talking" is a mild description). I've been imagining what those poor scared little kids must have gone through. The thoughts have been very vivid and detailed, based on what I saw at the scene, and I just couldn't get my mind to slow down or be quiet. It was like a horror movie or nightmare that kept repeating over and over.
Anyway, I'm much better today. I seem to be back on track emotionally and my eating and exercise have been much better. It really does help to talk things out... I'm starting to understand that keeping painful experiences locked up inside definitely contributes to eating disorders...or at least to disordered eating.
It was a beautiful day today, so I took B for a walk. Because he still limps quite bit (from the elbow dysplasia...poor baby), he started to balk after about a half hour. So at that point, we came home and I did another 40 minutes on the treadmill, which felt great. The rest of the afternoon, we were just lazy, and it was lovely. Then hub and I went to 5 o'clock mass this evening, and afterwards we had dinner at a new Korean barbeque place, which was really good (and relatively healthy...mostly protein and veggies). Right now we're watching a movie that hub recorded, but honestly...I'm about ready to crash. All in all, a perfect weekend so far.
So, I hope everyone is having a great weekend...Thanks again for your support.
Sorry I haven't posted lately nor visited anyone else's blog. I don't seem to have the energy to be encouraging, sympathetic, empathetic, or even nice these days. Not sure what's going on with me. My food, which had been so good recently, has deteriorated. Last night I actually bought and ate a whole package of Twizzlers. I haven't done that since Baltimore! I told hub last night that whenever I am at the trial, it seems to set me off later. And I feel like my meds aren't working very well right now. Maybe it's just stress, anger, whatever it is, I seem to want to stuff myself whenever the day is over. It makes me angry (furious is more like it) to see someone smile and laugh, someone who should never be allowed to smile or laugh again. It makes me angry to see so much energy and expense wasted on someone. (Yeah, I know…innocent until proven guilty...that doesn't make it any easier.) It makes me sad to see the pain on the faces of the family of the victims when certain testimony is given. Some of the details that had faded in my mind are back with a vengeance, and it makes me heartbroken and horrified and sick to my stomach. I feel like I want to vent, but I have to be careful, so I deleted the link I included a few weeks ago. Not that anyone who reads this blog would do anything with it or about it. I just get paranoid about what could happen. Sorry to be so cryptic. Life is complicated right now. Hug your family, tell them how much you love them. You never know for sure if you will see them again.
a lot of Vitamin C. So as I was wandering around the Safeway Thursday night, I bought a box of Cuties Clementines. Now, I honestly don't enjoy eating fruit normally …it just doesn't appeal to me...but I do try to eat 2 pieces a day just because I know I'm supposed to... because it's healthy. But when I tasted one of the clementines...Wow, talk about delicious! They are now my new favorite fruit. And low in calories too.
