My mom is not well. Ever since she broke her leg, it's been downhill.
As I shared briefly, she got out of rehab but back at her assisted living facility, I had to hire a service for someone to stay with her 24 hours a day. Basically a baby sitter, although a super expensive one. I thought it was going to be a temporary situation "until she got better" and could go back to being on her own. But that didn't seem to be happening.
Then she got the bladder infection. We did get that taken care of, but since then she continued to go downhill. She honestly didn't remember most of the people at her Assisted Living facility. And the piecemeal attention she was getting just didn't satisfy me that it was the best solution.
I finally made the decision that she needed to be in an Adult Family Home, and to have a high level of attention 24 hours a day. I was lucky enough to only have to visit 3 homes (one BAD, one very elegant but not homey, and finally the one I chose just had a good feel to it).
As you can imagine, moving her there was very stressful. There was so much paperwork and a nurse assessment and lots of arrangements to make. Then the morning of the move, I literally just didn't even tell here where we were going. We just drove up to the home, and I told her the people in this place were going to help her get stronger (which honestly was my hope at the time, so I didn't feel like I was lying). Amazingly, she said she was just fine with that and adjusted within 2 days. The first day there, she'd already forgotten where she lived before.
Then there was moving the rest of her belongings out of the Assisted Living facility, giving a lot of stuff away, and figuring out what to do with what was left. I took a few sentimental pieces for myself and my brother.
Things have finally settled down, but she continues to decline. She literally cannot walk at all anymore, in fact she can barely stand. She is incontinent, and other than meals (during which she eats very little) and occasional activities and visits from me, she sleeps all day. I don't know how much longer she has but I do know this...she is in the best possible place.
The people who run the home shower her with loving attention and look out for her best interests. If she needs pain medication, she gets it right away. If there is a problem, I find out about it immediately. They have their own doctor who comes by to check on the residents, so this is my mother's new doctor. No more having to drag her to a doctor's office or the ER. If she needs medication, the doctor can order it. Today we talked about applying for hospice care, and we changed her POLST to basically "comfort treatment only." I know she doesn't want to linger if something happens.
My brother decided things were serious enough that my nephew, who lives in California and hasn't been home for 5 years, needed to come see his grandma. He came in this afternoon, and my brother warned him that she probably wouldn't know who he was. I haven't heard how the visit went. I'll find out tomorrow as we are having dinner with them.
One happy outcome of this move is that my mother now has a new best friend (she's already forgotten her other friends). My mom is 89 (almost 90) and her new friend is 92 and is still pretty sharp. She calls my mother her little sister, and they are adorable together. They play cards and laugh and have meals together.
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| At this stage, it's the little things |
So, at this point, it's just day to day. She may surprise us and rebound, but I'm not counting on it. The main thing is she is safe, and comfortable, and is being treated with dignity and respect. I think that's all any of us can hope for when we are at this stage of life.
